


Anxiety's Book

by Deviant_Donghun



Series: Anxiety's Room [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:21:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 35,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24078886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deviant_Donghun/pseuds/Deviant_Donghun
Summary: Virgil has an anxiety attack. Coming to Logan for help, he is told that Thomas has found a great many supposed remedies for anxiety. Virgil decides to put them to the test on himself before administering them to Thomas. Hijinks ensue.
Series: Anxiety's Room [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2143404
Comments: 142
Kudos: 239





	1. Findings

Virgil’s thoughts had been building all day. First it started with the simple thing of not being able to sleep that night. That was to be expected, however, as he could never manage to sleep after Thomas posted a video. Next, it was being out of milk, then Roman being too loud. The little things started to pile up until he felt as if he couldn’t breathe due to the suffocating amount of things that either rubbed him the wrong way or irritated him. 

Eventually, he couldn’t take it anymore. He didn’t want to sit in his own room as that just heightened his anxiety. He didn’t want to sit in Patton’s room as he didn’t feel like being flooded with tooth-rotting sweet things or spiral into nostalgia. He didn’t feel like sitting in the common room as he wasn’t in the mood to socialize much.

Having just snapped at Roman for being too loud, he didn’t think Creativity would be much company. With that left, he went for the only viable option: Logan’s room. Normally, Logan was able to calm down his anxiety attacks with pure logic. If that didn’t work, his room was at least a calming place for the anxious side.

It didn’t seem to come as any surprise to Logan when Virgil unceremoniously opened his door without waiting for an answer to his knock. Something in Virgil’s face must have tipped the logical side off as to how Virgil’s day was because he just gave him a faint smile and nodded to the chair by the window. “You know what’s where,” was all he said before going back to what he was doing. 

Virgil smiled at the back of Logan’s head, thankful for the quiet understanding before turning to face the rest of the room. Logan’s room was the primary housing of all of Thomas’ memories, every piece of information he had ever consumed was stored here, somewhere. The room was usually set up like a library that could have rivaled the Beast’s, with each memory as a book. They were usually stacked three deep, causing Logan to have to take some time to retrieve something that hasn’t been used in a while.

However, there were two bookcases that were always kept in reserve. One was the books Logan frequently used. This bookcase usually contained philosophy, psychology, ancient civilizations, and other things such as that.

The other bookcase was Virgil’s favorite. While the other one was right next to Logan’s desk, within easy reach, this one was by the chair Virgil had come to think of as his chair. The bookcase contained all kinds of fiction stories ranging from fairytales to horror. He loved to sit in it, listen to the fire Logan always had in his fireplace, and just read. It was always a quiet and peaceful atmosphere, perfect for unwinding.

Today, he curled up in the chair, kicking his sneakers to the ground and looking at the bookcase. After some deliberation, he pulled out a classic book of fairy tales. He didn’t have the mental capacity for horror, even if it was a good way of channeling his anxiety into something healthy. 

They stayed like that for a while, Virgil trying to relax into the stories that were neither too sweet nor too dark either. He tried to focus on the story, wanted to get lost in it like he was usually able to do. However, the harder he tried to concentrate, the worse the headache got. Eventually, he gave up entirely. The book shut with a quiet snap before being gently placed back on the shelf it came from. Virgil instead opted for staring at the fire, soaking in the smell of old books and wood. He still felt like he couldn’t breathe right but it had eased somewhat.

“Is there a problem?” Logan’s voice startled Virgil out of his thoughts.

“What?” He glanced over. “OH. Um, yeah kind of.”

“Would you like to discuss it with me?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay, that’s fine. Is there an immediate problem?’

“Um . . . I’m having an anxiety attack?” Virgil was hesitant to bother Logan with something that was a normal occurance for himself.

Logan’s tranquil expression changed to one of panic. “What? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Virgil shrugged. “I thought I could handle it. It happens like twice a week normally. Today’s is just unusually bad.”

Logan shook his head before looking through his ‘recent tabs’ bookshelf. Virgil tilted his head, curious as to why he was looking in there. “Ah-ha!” Logan cried triumphantly after pulling out a book.

He walked over and sat on the arm of Virgil’s chair, something quite out of character for him. “I knew you had problems with your anxiety so I made sure to keep a book about it on hand. Have you tried any of your normal coping mechanisms?”

“I did try to count my breaths, use my fidget cube, and even tried to take a nap. Nothing worked and my room just heightened the experience. So, I came to the calmest room I could think of.”

The corners of Logan’s mouth tipped up just the slightest bit. “Well, I think I might have a solution for you. Keep going with the breathing exercises and I’ll be right back.” With that, he wandered into the maze of shelves, seeming to look for a memory. 

Not long after, a triumphant cry came from the depths of the maze. None of the other sides ever knew their way around in there, constantly getting lost. Not Logan, he navigated through it as if he had a map. Soon, he was back with a book in his hand. No, not a book. A memory.

“Whatcha got there, Lo?” Virgil asked. He had leaned back in the chair, one arm going across his chest with his hand on his shoulder. He didn’t know why but that usually helped calm his anxiety somewhat.

“I found a memory where Thomas was researching anxiety. This was around the time you had locked yourself in your room. He had been trying to find ways to help you. Did you know that, with a bit of effort, things from memories can be conjured in the mindscape?”

“No. What does that have to do with me?”

“Well, everything. It allows me to lend you the memory of the research so you can try out the different methods of relief. Would you like to try one now?”

Virgil nodded.

“Great.” Logan flipped through the pages of the book. Knowing what it is, Virgil was surprised at how thick the book was. Usually for a memory of one afternoon, the book is closer to the size of a children’s storybook. This seemed to be closer to a novella, maybe thicker.

“Lo, how long did he research?”

“Well, this book has about two hundred pages, a hundred of which detail the time he spent searching the internet. The other half are like recipe pages, one remedy on each side. The recipe pages include the best use, the length of use, and any study citing this remedy.”

Virgil nodded absentmindedly. “A hundred remedies. How did I never know about this?”

“That can be answered as a fault on my end. As the keeper of most of Thomas’ knowledge, it fell to me to relate that information to you. It was an oversight I will not quickly make again.”

“Well, thank you for telling me now. Which one do you think we should start with?”

From then on, Virgil kept the Anxiety book, as he had come to call it. He still went to Logan when he was having trouble understanding the remedy or just needed a quiet place to relax. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: this series will focus on a different remedy each chapter. This is the way I, a person with an anxiety disorder, would respond to the remedies and how I personally think Virgil would react. If you are looking to this for remedies to occasional stress, you might want to try them for yourself.


	2. Grounding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a previously known method to Virgil. It was used in the first Sanders Asides video.

Virgil took the book back to his room, keeping it on a shelf near his bed. 

The next moment of intense anxiety, it wasn't strong enough to be an attack, he consulted the book. He found a page that Logan had bookmarked. Flipping to it, it was the grounding method Logan had used on Thomas and Virgil a few months ago. 

"Alright, lets try it." Virgil muttered. He sat on his bed and looked out around his room.

"Okay, five things I can see. A poster, a book, spider webs, headphones, a candle." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Now, four things I can touch." His hands ran over the bedding, searching blindly. "Blankets, my foot, headphones, pants." He chuckled slightly as he remembered Thomas saying that.

"Three I can hear." Putting his hands back in his lap, he strained his hearing. "Silence, Patton laughing, footsteps."

Allowing himself to open his eyes, he looked toward his door. The owner of the footsteps didn't enter. "Two I can smell. The candle, cookies baking."

Putting the pieces together, he knew that Patton was baking again.

"Well, one thing I can taste. I can almost taste those baking cookies." He took another deep breath.

With that, he hopped off his bed and made his way downstairs. "Hey, Pat. Whatcha making?"

Patton looked up from the cookie sheet in his hands. "Heya, Kiddo! Double chocolate chip cookies. I thought we all needed them."

Virgil smiled, hoisting himself onto a clean space on the counter. "Mind if I keep you company?"

"Not at all, Kiddo. I'd love it." Patton turned to face him and surveyed his face. "You seem to be doing better than earlier. You okay, Kiddo?"

Virgil nodded. "Yeah, Pat. I'm doing great." 

Logan came down the stairs, pausing when he saw Virgil's face. "I take it the first try was a success?"

"Yep. How long do you think I should try one before deciding if it doesn't work? I mean, even if I think it does work, I'll still be trying the other methods. Can't have too many, you know?"

Logan nodded. "Indeed. It takes three weeks to make or break a habit. Many of the remedies discussed that affects should take place within two, however. I believe this would depend on how you are using them. If you are using them to calm the symptoms, go for three weeks, if you-"

"You don't have to talk in code, you know." Patton interrupted.

"Excuse me?"

"It's obvious you two are discussing Virgil's anxiety. You don't have to hid it."

Logan nodded, "Noted." He turned back to Virgil. "If you are trying to use the method as preventative measures, then two weeks should be enough to know if it is working. How are you feeling today?"

"I tried the grounding method today. It seemed to work well."

Logan nodded, "That's good news. Would you mind reporting to me when you try a new one or pass or fail a remedy?"

"Sure. Are you thinking of using them on Thomas?"

"Yes, but it would also be a good way for me to know which work in case I need to coax you out of an attack again."

Virgil nodded. "Sure." 

"Thank you." He turned his attention to the cookies, sneaking one off the cooling rack. Virgil giggled quietly as Logan quickly retreated to his room with his prize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though I have never had the presence of mind to implement this method, it seemed to work in the video. Thus, it works here.


	3. Happy Thoughts?

Virgil knew the grounding technique worked, but also knew that anxiety is a bitch. He knows, because he is one too. He also knew that something that worked earlier might not work again. So, after the two week trial was up, he turned to a random page in the book for the next remedy.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me!” He exclaimed as he looked at the remedy staring back at him.

Logan popped his head in. “What’s wrong?”

Virgil looked up at him. “The next one to do, is to ‘think happy thoughts’ or ‘just smile’.”

Logan nodded. “I can see how that would work for someone who is just stressing over a minor inconvenience.” He sat on the edge of the bed. “It might also be a good preventative exercise.”

Virgil shook his head. “Lo, I don’t think you fully understand how an anxiety disorder works. When I get an attack, or just exist really, the only scenarios that I can think of are the bad ones. So, yes, it might sound helpful to think of puppies or sunshine-”

“But that doesn’t work for you?” Logan guessed.

“Let’s put it this way. Let’s try this, okay. Think happy thoughts: puppies running in a meadow. Something cute that Patton would coo over, right? Well, for me, I immediately wonder what creature is lurking in the woods surrounding the meadow. What creature might be hiding in the tall grass. What if a puppy strays too far away? What if one gets a broken leg? What if, what if, what if.”

Logan nodded. “Worst case scenario is default for you.”

“Exactly! Next one: sunshine. Stay out too long and you can get sun burnt or heatstroke. You could look into the sun and burn your retinas, causing yourself to go blind. How would that affect Thomas? Would he still be able to make videos? He does a lot of the producing himself, how would he be able to produce or direct if he can no longer see the material?-”

Logan held up a hand. “Take a deep breath, Verge. It’s fine. Thomas isn’t blind, and the puppies are fine.”

Virgil took a deep breath, falling back on his grounding method. “Deliberate happy thoughts is no use.” He shook his head. 

Looking over at Logan, the eye shadow was already starting to creep across his face, making his eyes look sunken. “We should probably head to the common room.”

Logan nodded, “I think that’s for the best. Will you be joining me?”

Virgil nodded. “Yeah, I feel like some company right now.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to be glass half full when it's only ever half empty to you.


	4. Fist Fight

Virgil saw the next so-called remedy, his faith in these diminished by the utter insanity of the last one, and almost screamed. “Why do people think this helps?”

Roman looked up from the script he was writing at the kitchen table. “Is there something wrong, Verge?”

Virgil shook his head. “No, just trying to figure out what this book is wanting me to do now.”

“Is it anything I can help with?”

“Not unless you want to get into a fistfight.” Virgil muttered.

He didn’t think Roman would hear him but he did. “That actually works out for me.”

Virgil perked up. “Really? It does?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m contemplating having this character get into a fist fight at a bar. It would be fun to pop into the Imagination and act it out. It would also give me a reference.”

Virgil shrugged. “Sure, couldn’t hurt to try.”

So, they were both off to the Imagination. Roman opened the door that connected his room to the imagination. Normally, he would just pop them in, as he had done when talking to Thomas multiple times but today it seemed that he wanted to go the long route. That was fine with Virgil, it gave him time to get his breathing under control.

Roman picked up a wand reminiscent of the fairy godmother’s wand from Cinderella. “What kind of surroundings do you want?”

“You can’t be serious,” Virgil deadpanned. 

“Call me Black. Sirius Black.” Roman smirked back.

“Fine.” Virgil gave off a heavy sigh. “A boxing ring. One that, preferably, won’t allow the wounds to transfer beyond this door.”

“Of course. That’s a main rule of the Imagination.” Roman waved the wand and a comfortably lit boxing ring appeared in front of them.

Looking down at his hands, they were now covered with boxing gloves. “Good. Let’s try this.” 

They squared up but Roman let Virgil throw the first punch. It only made sense to let him as the activity was for his own benefit. They went back and forth, ending up with some bruises and split lips, for an hour or two. 

When they finished, Virgil collapsed on his back, breathing heavily. “That felt better . . . than I thought it . . . would.” Virgil said between pants.

Roman laughed from his seated position, looking like a doll that was sat down and left. “I know. Why do you think I usually disappear to fight dragons every once in a while? It’s a great stress reliever.”

Virgil sat up, shaking the sweat from his bangs. “Yeah. Although, I think I’ll just use a punching bag next time. I don’t think I could keep asking to beat you up every time I’m feeling anxious.”

Roman smiled. “Well, I wouldn’t mind going at it every once in a while.”

Virgil looked at him, eyes sincere. “Thanks for helping me today. It means a lot.” He winced as his split lip bled a little. “But I’m ready to be out of here.”

Roman nodded. “Good idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Physical exertion such as exercise (or punching your sibling in the nose a few times) can release adrenaline and dopamine that work to combat the stress hormones. I would not recommend punching your sibling in the nose.


	5. Laughter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Laughter is said to be the best medicine. Patton certainly thinks so.

Virgil was skeptical of the next remedy but that wasn’t anything new. He was skeptical of everything, it was his job after all. Either way, he went to the common room in search of a certain side. Just as he thought, Patton was curled up in the curve of the couch, reading a book.

“Hey, Pat? You got a second?” Virgil asked after he worked up the courage. 

Patton put the book down, his whole attention on Virgil. “Sure, Kiddo.. I’ve always got time for you. Whatcha need?”

“Well, you know about my project for all the remedies of anxiety, right?”

“Of course. How can I help?”

Virgil scratched the back of his neck. “Well, the next one I’m working on is laughter. I was wondering if . . .” His voice trailed off

“If I could tell you a few dad jokes? No problem, Kiddo!”

Virgil smiled, relieved to have that over with. “Maybe it could be one a day for two week, then I can come to you whenever I need your help?”

“That’d be great!” Patton beamed. “How about we start now. What’s brown and sticky?”

Virgil shook his head. “What?”

“A stick!” 

Virgil chuckled. “That was decent.” For the next fortnight, Patton told him a joke a day.

“Where do generals keep their armies? In their sleevies!”

“What’s better than a talking dog? A spelling bee!”

“Hey, Kiddo. I’m thinking of reasons to go to Switzerland. So far the flag is a big plus.”

“I’m reading a book Logan leant me. It’s about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down!”

“You know, I didn’t like Thomas’ beard at first. Then it grew on me!”

“Found out I was color blind the other day. That one came completely out of the purple!”

“You know, Kiddo. Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen the mall.”

“What did the grape say when it was stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.”

“A burger walks into a bar. The bartender goes ‘Sorry, we don’t serve food here’.”

“I was talking to Logan earlier and we were talking about numbers. At one point I said, ‘to the guy who invented zero: thanks for nothing!’”

“You know, the wedding was so beautiful. Even the cake was in tiers!”

“What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison!”

“I’m not addicted to brake fluid. I can stop whenever I want to!”

Virgil’s reactions to each differed every day. Sometimes, he would roll his eyes, others he would smile, chuckle. By the last day, he was laughing at each. He came to enjoy the time spent with Patton. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What was your favorite joke?


	6. Teas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short.

Peppermint. Lavender. Chamomile. Kava. There were so many teas to try but these four seemed to be the best ones to try. 

Virgil immediately ruled the peppermint tea out after just a preliminary search. It was used to relieve anxiety for people suffering from heart attacks or new mothers. He was neither.

The lavender tea was promising but it didn’t taste right to him.

He wanted to rule out the Kava tea simply because it felt and tasted like mud in his mouth. But, after adding some sugar it was bearable. It also worked amazingly, helping him sleep better and feel better within the first week. This was definitely a keeper. 

The chamomile tea tasted like apples and honey and was nice. It tasted even better with lemon. He really liked the taste and the way it helped him relax and unwind.

All in all, he didn’t mind the tea all that much. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't usually drink tea myself so I apologize if I get facts wrong about it. For the sake of my own sanity, this is four remedies combined. (I have a list of 100 of them and I'm going insane).


	7. Horror

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used three remedies here for my own sanity.

Virgil was actually looking forward to the next remedy/ prompt that was suggested for him. He just wondered how to execute it. Not many of the others were up for watching horror with him. Patton tended to get scared easily, Roman found it boring and lacking the creativity that he strove for, Logan always seemed to be too busy for it, Janus was . . . not on the best of terms with Virgil currently, and Remus was off playing in the Imagination.

Virgil didn’t want to watch it alone in case he went into an attack, as occasionally happened with him. He knew that this would work as it gave his anxiety something to focus on and tire him out mentally, but he  _ really _ wasn’t looking forward to the aforementioned possible attack.

Deciding to start with something small, he went to Logan’s room and borrowed a few of the horror books from the bookshelf. He made sure to leave a makeshift library card so Logan knew which books were missing and who took them. He started with  _ The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon _ and worked his way through many of Stephen King’s books, making it to  _ It _ and  _ Pet Sematary _ . 

He finished the books in a week, leaving the second week for movies and TV adaptations. The only one he found worth watching TV wise was  _ Haven _ which turned out to be more suspense than horror but was interesting nonetheless. He was able to watch that on his own without having to bother any of the other sides.

When he got brave enough to watch any movies, he decided to do it in the most obvious way possible. After a group dinner with all the sides, he conjured a few of the movies and moved to the couch. Logan was the first to notice.

“What are you doing, Virgil?”

“I was thinking about a horror movie marathon. Anyone interested?”

Patton turned him down as gently as possible saying, “Sorry, Kiddo. You know how I am with those.”

Roman was next. “Horror? No, I’d be bored to sleep with that. I’ll pass.”

Janus had a look on his face that Virgil wasn’t quite able to identify before he just shook his head and sunk out.

Logan, surprisingly, actually curled up on the couch. “I would enjoy spending time with you, Virgil.”

Remus hopped over the couch to sit on the coffee table, somehow without breaking it. “I just love these kinds of things. What are we watching?”

Virgil scratched the back of his neck. “The 2017 version of _It,_ _Pet Sematary,_ and _Us._ ”

Logan seemed pleased. “That is an interesting selection of movies. This should be entertaining.”

Remus turned his head in an owl-like manner to look at Virgil, who was sitting in the joint of the couch. “This sounds like  _ fun!!! _ ”

The selection of movies was, indeed, both fun and interesting. Virgil was able to be just freaked out enough to get his heart rate up and his anxiety to focus on the movie instead of the stupid nothings it was focused on earlier. He was also able to stay calm enough to avoid an anxiety attack due to Logan’s logical commentary. Which was essentially just pointing out any logical inconsistencies in the character’s thinking. 

Logan seemed to greatly enjoy  _ Us _ as he dug his claws into the symbolism of the movie. His face lit up at the thought of shadow people wanting freedom, Logan making a comparison to  _ Peter Pan _ of all pieces of literature. He leaned forward at the first appearance of a rabbit, seeming to enjoy the multiple symbolisms for that. 

All in all, it was a fun night, Logan asking to stay up longer to discuss the symbolism and Virgil agreeing, really getting into it with him. Remus sunk out at that point as he didn’t seem to enjoy the symbolism as much. Sure, Logan touched on the analogies used in the other two movies, but  _ Us _ seemed to have captured most of his attention. 

“The amount of detail that went into that was incredible. We have to watch the sequel.”

“If they make one. The actors have said they are up for it but it has not been confirmed.”

Logan nodded, the edge taken off his enthusiasm. “That is true. Either way, that was a great movie.”

Virgil smiled. “I’m glad you liked it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen another movie quite like that one. Even Roman might enjoy it.”

Logan perked up at that. “Maybe we can get him and Janus to watch it with us next week? I think Janus would enjoy the mystery aspect and the ending.”

Virgil nodded. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I deliberately left the descriptions of things vague in case anyone wants to consume that particular piece of media themselves. But, seriously Us is a great movie that is worth watching. I can give a more accurate description if asked for.


	8. Socks, Singing, and Sauce

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doing multiple remedies per chapter in the hopes of not going insane.

Virgil decided that, for his own sanity and the sake of time, he was going to pick three remedies and do them at once. He tried to get them to be as random as possible but he did tweak them a little bit as some of them didn’t quite fit together in a way he liked.

The three for the week were to wear compression socks, sing, and do laundry. This would be an interesting two weeks.

The compression socks were easy enough to conjure in the mindscape. Virgil even realized that he really liked them. The science behind them was that they increased circulation and reduced the physical symptoms of anxiety like the rapid heart rate. Virgil didn’t really care about the science behind them. All he cared about was that they felt like hugs for his feet and were great.

The singing . . . was hard to get used to. First, he made such precautions as soundproofing his room in the mindscape to do it in. After that, he was awkward getting started but enjoyed the feeling of it. He eventually just forgot about being embarrassed about it and had gone through almost a full MCR album before he needed to stop for breath. The feeling of belting out the lyrics was invigorating. It felt like he was alive for the first time in a while.

Eventually, he started singing outside of his room when he forgot about it. He hummed as he collected laundry, first from his room, then Patton’s, Roman and Remus’, Janus’, and Logan’s. As he allowed his thoughts to drift when he lost himself in the sorting and measuring, he forgot to hum or be quiet about it until he was belting it out at the same level as usual. 

The first time he realized what he was doing was when Roman wandered into the laundry room mid chorus of  _ Victorious _ by Panic! at the Disco. Turning around to grab the next armful, he froze as the other side entered.

“Oh.” Roman was clearly startled for a second but recovered quickly. “Please, don’t stop on my account.”

Virgil shook his head as he reverted to breathing exercises, counting mentally as he finished the load. When he didn’t feel like he would shatter with a word, he turned back to face Roman, who has stayed the whole time. 

“Did you need something in here?” Virgil asked nervously.

Roman shook his head. “No, I was just wondering where the heavenly singing was coming from. I didn’t realize it was you.”

Virgil gave him a look that clearly indicated that he found him an idiot. “As we are all parts of Thomas, we all share his talent of singing and, to a lesser degree for some, acting. Why does it surprise you that I can sing just as well as you can?”

“It wasn’t the quality of the singing that surprised me. Rather, the origin. I didn’t realize that you would ever willingly sing. The last time we tried to get you to sing a few Christmases ago, you flatly refused.”

“I joined in on other occasions. Namely, when Thomas was making new year’s resolutions a few years back and when we all turned into puppets in order to aid him. Those were both willing participations.”

Roman nodded. “True. It seems a bias has clouded my judgement. I will endeavor to correct it.” With that, he turned on his heel and left.

Virgil shook his head before grabbing the detergent, only to find it empty. Going out to the kitchen, he found Patton with a shopping list. “Hey, Pat. Just the person I wanted to see. We’re out of laundry sauce.”

Patton tilted his head, confused. “Sorry, Kiddo. Run that by me one more time. Laundry sauce?”

“Yeah, you know,” he described the detergent bottle to the best of his abilities, “laundry sauce.”

Patton nodded. “Got you, Kiddo. I’ll add it to the list.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last scene was purely for the alliteration in the title but I regret nothing.


	9. Fix It Felix the Bully

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretend someone annoying said the anxious thought (Virgil uses Thomas' high school bully), fix something, build something. These are the 'prompts' that I'm using for the chapter.

Virgil looked up from the book, eyes scanning the room. As he usually did, he muttered to himself as he did so. “Well, I’ve been meaning to try to fix my hoodie. I think Logan was wanting to set up a telescope, if nothing else Patton had a Lego set he wanted to do. As for the last prompt, well, I’ve always hated when Thomas was bullied in high school. Maybe I could use that?”

He nodded to himself, set on a plan. First he went to the common room. He found Patton getting Lego pieces all over the coffee table while Roman sat on the couch, reading something dramatically to him.

Virgil sat next to Patton on the floor, observing for a few minutes. Eventually, Patton looked over at him, seeming to notice that he was there. He smiled and gestured to the pieces, even going so far as to hand one to Virgil. Virgil smiled back and began helping him. Sometimes, he would just hand Patton the piece he needed, sometimes he would build the attachment before Patton needed it. He found that he enjoyed simply existing in the same space as the other two.

After a while, Roman seemed to pull his nose out of the book for a breath and noticed Virgil’s arrival as well. “Ah, if it isn’t Mopey Dick. To what do we owe the pleasure of you coming out of your room?”

Virgil paused for a second. He took a deep breath and imagined that the bully was the one to say that, he knew Roman didn’t mean it the way it sounded. In his, albeit limited, imagination, he saw the bully named Felix peering at him at the lockers. “Why are you out of your cage, rat?” Felix sneered.

Virgil was brought out of his thoughts by Patton. “Now, Roman. That wasn’t very nice. If you were always in the Imagination, would you be happy that someone complained about finally getting to see you?”

Roman took a pause at that, his head tilting in confusion. “No, the Imagination is my job. What does that have to do with this?”

“Well, Virgil has a job too. It’s not fair to complain when he takes a break from his job for a bit of relaxation. Is it, Kiddo?” He turned to look at Virgil.

Virgil didn’t trust himself to speak, just shook his head before leaning his forehead on Patton’s shoulder and breathing in his familiar and comforting scent.

Patton’s hand came up to briefly cradle Virgil’s neck, making him feel safe and loved. Virgil dismissed the bully, the image only making him feel worse and not better. Maybe he was going about it the wrong way. Maybe it needed to be someone he found annoying yet harmless. He would have to work on that. 

“Gee, Verge. I’m sorry.” Roman said. “I guess I didn’t think before I spoke.”

“S’okay.” Virgil mumbled, not raising his head.

Roman made a noise that sounded like he shifted before he went back to reading out loud. Virgil gave Patton’s hand a squeeze of thanks before heading back upstairs, wanting to be alone for a while. He went back to his room, grabbing the ripped hoodie and patching supplies. Honestly, he didn’t remember when he ripped the hoodie this time, but he thought he had a few fairly common occurrences that could be suspects.

One was in the midst of an attack and scratching at his arms. Another was escaping too quickly. The most likely one was trying to sit on top of the counter. He ripped a lot of things by putting his knee in it as he pulled himself up. Inspecting the hole, it seemed about knee size.

He gave the hoodie another patch using the same plaid purple the rest of them used. Something he had never told anyone was that he made the hoodie in his spare time. Thomas had had the purple hair for a while before he asked them to discuss the next topic, thus how he had so much time to prepare. At the time, he hadn’t known what to do with it. It just kind of . . . existed. Then, the others all did outfit changes and he just went with it. 

Thinking about that and doing the repetitive actions of sewing calmed him down enough he thought he could go out of his room, his familiar bubble, again. When he did, it was almost dinner time. He threw the hoodie on, briefly wondering why the others didn’t comment on its absence, then went down to the kitchen.

“Hey, Dad.” He said softly as he stood in the doorway. He only ever called Patton ‘Dad’ when none of the other sides were around. It felt like it was a private, almost intimate thing.

Patton turned around, spoon in hand from what he was stirring on the stove. “Heya, Kiddo. Didn’t mean to scare you off, there.”

Virgil just smiled and shook his head. “You guys didn’t scare me off. I just . . . had some things I needed to take care of, that’s all.”

Patton nodded. “Understandable. Hey, do you mind stirring this for a second?”

Virgil took the spoon handed to him and stirred the contents of the pot, mac-n-cheese. “Is this dinner?” He asked.

Patton smiled as he grabbed a cookbook. “No, just a side dish. I thought I might do a small lasagna and we have ice cream for dessert. Sounds good?”

Virgil nodded and smiled. “Yeah, sounds great.”

The rest of the sides were called down once the meal was done, but the cooking process was just Patton and Virgil hanging out. Once Virgil wasn’t needed to stir anymore, he hopped on the counter (avoiding getting his hoodie ripped) and read things he found on the internet to Patton. 

In the next few days, they completed the Lego project, a life sized puppy, and Virgil helped Logan build his telescope. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roman didn't mean any harm by his comment. It is actually a very normal comment for an introvert like Virgil, who rarely leaves their room, would get. He didn't mean to trigger the almost anxiety attack Virgil went through. Virgil just used the wrong person for the thought.


	10. A VERY Bad Idea

Virgil started twitching just looking at the three random ideas that would lead to his death. The so-called remedies in front of him were to make a list of worries, soak in a hot tub, and to remind himself he will be dead soon or in 100 years. 

He understood the gist of each and the idea behind them but couldn’t stop his leg from bouncing. He wasn’t a violent person generally but this book was really testing his limits. Taking a deep breath, he conjured a few pieces of paper, a pen, and a hard writing surface. Getting to work on the list, he started with the most immediate worries before moving on to things that were coming up, then worries that plagued him but had no actual impact. 

True to form, the first items on his list dealt with the dangers of hot tubs. It covered everything from wasting water to the irrational thought of the tub collapsing under his weight. He moved on to simple things that were his own worries. Such things included everything from not getting enough sleep so he wouldn’t be helpful to Thomas, and making an unforgivable mistake that would make the Core Three kick him out of their shared space, shoving him back to the Others’ common area. He didn’t think he could cope with that.

The worries on page three were all about Thomas. These started with Virgil’s affect on Thomas and his fears over that. He then moved to the rest of the sides’ effect on Thomas. Lastly, it was all of Thomas’ fears and worries. These ranged from not being able to sleep to not getting a part to even losing his friends if he made a mistake. 

Looking over the list, Virgil did feel a little bit better but overall worse. Now, he had just gone through literally every scenario he could think of and every outcome, forcing himself to sit through it for the sake of the exercise. He had worked himself up close to an anxiety attack, having to count his breathing to calm himself. 

“This is obviously a waste of time.” He muttered to himself. “I’m not going to even try to soak off the worries in a hot tub after that.” Taking another deep breath, Virgil focused on the final task: reminding himself of his own mortality. 

He immediately picked up another piece of paper and started listing all the ways he could die. Once that was done, he moved on to all the ways  _ Thomas _ could die. There were a  _ lot _ .

A knock sounded at the door just as he finished. “Door’s open,” he called as he conjured a lighter. He knew there weren’t smoke alarms in his room, at least.

The door opened to reveal Roman, hesitant to step inside. Virgil sighed, knowing the affect the room could have on the other sides. “Hey, doom-n-gloom.” His voice was soft, almost gentle for once.

Virgil sat there staring at the flame in his hand for a second. “You need something, Princey?”

Roman seemed to notice the lighter. “What are you doing?” He sounded concerned, but not enough to step into the room. 

“Doing one of my tasks. Again, do you need something?” He grabbed a metal trash can from beside the bed and tossed the papers and lighter into it.

“Yeah, we were wondering if you wanted to do a movie marathon with us? It doesn’t have to be long.”

Virgil smiled, dusting his pants off as he rose. “Sure, sounds like fun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: the bathtub falling through the floor is a real fear that I deal with due to anxiety. The fear has no real world grounding but it's still there.


	11. Salted Emo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title was going to be Salted Metal cause I thought that was cool but it didn't fit with the chapter.

Virgil stared at the book, daring to hope against hope. It was time to look at the next three remedies and he was, unsurprisingly, worried. He never knew what was going to pop out of it but this time he had a surprisingly good feeling about this one. Opening it to a random spot, that hope grew just a small bit. Another spot, more hope. He almost didn’t want to open it to the third spot, not knowing what was going to pop out. He already had two good prompts: play an instrument and hum softly.

His hope failing him, he took the book to Logan. “Could you do me a favor?” He asked.

“If it is within my power to do so. What do you need?”

He sighed. “Okay, can you just . . . open this to a random page for me?” He held the book out to him.

Logan took it with the same care he treated Thomas’ memories. “Of course.” 

Virgil couldn’t even watch as Logan propped the spine on his leg and opened the book gingerly. “Ah.” Logan said. “A salt lamp. Interesting.”

Virgil spun to face Logan again. “How does a salt lamp help with anxiety?”

Logan smiled faintly. It was barely a smile, simply a slight lift of the corners of his mouth but Virgil knew it was Logan’s ‘I’m pleased you thought to ask’ smile. “Well, you know the science of positive and negative ions, yes?” After Virgil nodded, he continued. “You are constantly bombarded with positive ions throughout your day. They come from such things as electrical devices due to electromagnetic fields. These positive ions stack up during the day, building in your body and affecting your brain functions. 

"Conversely, negative ions are rarely found inside but are found near moving water or salt lamps. These negative ions take the positive ones away, allowing oxygen to flow to the brain better and making you calm, energetic, and alert. The salt lamp will have these effects on you. The desired effect will be strengthened with a larger lamp. If you do not wish to have a lamp, a small water feature such as a fountain or imitation waterfall will have the same benefits as well as provide a peaceful white noise.”

Virgil nodded thoughtfully. “Thanks for your help, Logan.” 

Logan’s lips quirked up a fraction more. “You are welcome, Virgil. I hope the information helped.”

“It did. Thank you.” He waved as he took the book back to his room. As he sat on his bed, he realized that simply having a salt lamp would not only lighten the room up literally but also figuratively. The rest of the sides might actually be able to come into the room for more than ten minutes with the salt lamp. He also considered having a waterfall feature too, extra negative ions wouldn’t be a bad thing to have.

Decided, he again soundproofed his room and got to work. He may not have been able to conjure things nearly as fast as the creativity twins, them being pure creativity and all, but he was able to do it with a bit of effort. A good while later he had a drum set sitting in the middle of what would be Thomas’ living room and salt lamps in both the bedroom and downstairs as well as a water feature in the downstairs. 

Contrary to what he had first thought when he came to the Core Three’s part of the brain, each side’s room encompassed a facsimile of the whole house, not just the bedroom. The common room was based off the downstairs of the house. With everything set up how he wanted it, he made sure the soundproofing was still in place before settling in front of the drums. He chuckled. “Thomas always wanted to learn to play these.” He muttered. 

He sat for a moment as he thought of what to play. He smiled before picking up his phone and playing  _ I Don’t Love You _ By MCR. He played along to that till the end, smiling while he did. Once that was done, he went on to  _ Let’s Kill Tonight _ By Panic! at the Disco. He played  _ Everything Is Alright _ before stumbling back and lying on the couch, listening to the last notes of the song fading into the air combine with the water trickling. He actually felt better, for once. Was this a long term solution? Maybe.

He stood up and played some music in the background as he wandered around the kitchen. He didn’t have enough energy to make something and dinner was going to be soon anyways but he still went through the cabinets anyways, looking for a light snack. As he did so, he hummed along to the music. He smiled as he pulled out the granola and a small bowl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I love salt lamps and water features. They are always so calming. Yes, I did steal some songs from Virgil's playlist. Sue me. Sorry Logan talked a lot.


	12. Back to School

Virgil didn’t know what to think as he stared at the next random prompts he managed to pull out of the book. Sure, he understood what two of the three did but he couldn’t fathom what the third did for him. The advanced math and strategy games he could understand, those required too much brain power and left none for anxiety. But he couldn’t figure out how playing with play dough was supposed to help lower his anxiety. 

Shaking his head, he went to Logan’s room anyways. He knocked and stuck his hands in his pockets while waiting. “Come in.” Came Logan’s calm tones.

Virgil stepped in, feeling himself sink into the grounding that is Logan’s room. “Hey, Lo.”

Logan looked up, rubbing his eyes. “Hello, Virgil. Did you need something?”

Virgil smiled. “I was wondering if you wanted a break from scheduling.”

“A break would be beneficial at this time. What did you have in mind?”

“Playing chess?” Virgil tilted his head to indicate Logan’s chess board.

Logan smiled as he moved over to it. “I think that would be nice. Black or white?”

Virgil sat across from him. “Black.”

Virgil found that, as the game progressed, he was thinking multiple steps ahead. It even seemed that, for a time, he was beating Logan. In the end, Logan won but they both had smiles on their faces. 

“That was a good game.” Logan said.

“Thanks. I guess this is one thing I can put my anxious thoughts to work on.”

Logan nodded. “Yes, that is how it would normally go. Well,” he stood, “that was fun but I need to get back to work.”

Virgil nodded and left. Digging through the archives and the general memory, he was able to find some old college and high school math sheets as well as a calculator. For the next hour or so, all he did was math. He was only dragged out of it when Patton found him. 

Patton waved in front of Virgil’s face. Virgil pulled his headphones down to rest around his neck, music still playing. “Yeah, Dad?” He asked, rubbing his eyes.

“It’s lunch time, Kiddo. I couldn’t find you so I tried to teleport to you. Where are we?” He looked around the area but it was just bookcases and memory banks as far as they could see.

Virgil smiled. “It’s Thomas’ archives and general memory, things that are available to all of the sides or things he doesn’t remember unless the memory is triggered by something.”

“What are you doing way out here?”

He held up the stack of papers he had been going through. “Homework.”

Patton looked over the top sheet. “Is that Thomas’ old math homework?” 

“Yeah but it’s also a piece of my homework for the next two weeks or so.”

Patton nodded. “Well, Kiddo, it’s time to get back to the common room. You can take that with you if you need to.”

“Nah, I know where it is.” They sank out together, targeting the common room, rising back up together.

Once lunch was over, Virgil decided to move on to his third task: playing with play dough. Once he had conjured enough to supply a small kindergarten classroom, he invited Patton to play too. When Roman walked into the room, he sat down to play as well. Logan sat on the couch reading a book. 

Looking over the coffee table, Logan spoke. “Virgil, is this another piece of your homework?”

“Yeah, it is. Why do you ask? And how is this supposed to help with anxiety?”

“Well, why I ask is the second question. Playing with play dough, specifically the molding and manipulation of the substance, allows one to reduce their anxiety by giving it an outlet. This is a different approach than many of the ones you have been using before. While those caused you to take your mind off your anxiety or put it to good use, as with the chess game we played earlier, this one allows you to essentially take it out on something.”

Virgil cringed. “I actually did want to play chess. I didn’t think you would take it as me just wanting to do homework.”

The tips of Logan’s lips curved up. “ Do not misunderstand. I enjoyed our game. Whether the goal of the game was to relieve your anxiety or to simply enjoy each other’s company, I was satisfied with the outcome. I am more than willing to play again with you.”

Virgil smiled and nodded. “Yeah, that’d be great."

* * *

A source on the [Chess](https://www.reddit.com/r/chess/comments/2axdzx/chess_skill_finally_a_benefit_of_having_anxiety/) thing.


	13. Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lunatic19 gave me the idea for this one so it has four prompts in this: yoga, massage, talk to someone, hugs. I would also like to ask how Lunatic19 managed to access my prompt list as they managed to guess two of the prompts that were on there.

It was the middle of the night as Virgil woke, gasping. His chest was tight and he couldn’t think straight after the nightmare. Slipping out of bed, he crept down the hall almost on autopilot. When he realized what door - no,  _ who’s _ door - he came to, he almost turned away but it was too late. His hand was already on the handle so he slipped inside, only to find the side still awake. 

“Sorry.” Virgil mumbled, already close to tears. “I don’t know why I’m here.”

Janus sighed and stood. He didn’t say a word, just held his arms open. Virgil threw himself into the arms of the side who practically raised him, sobbing. Janus ran a gloveless hand through Virgil’s hair, whispering sweet nothings to him. He guided them both down to sit on the floor, Virgil cradled in all six of Janus’ arms.

When Virgil had calmed down, he pulled away just enough to look at his face. “Sorry.” He mumbled again when he saw the dark spot on Janus’ capelet. 

Janus laughed. “Virgil, you know how I hate the mumbling.” 

Virgil flinched slightly. “Sorry.” He enunciated. 

Janus laughed again. “I’m joking. Though, it is nice to talk to you again. What has you so stirred up so late at night?”

Virgil looked around the room for a clock. “I didn’t realize what time it was,” he said when he noticed that it was almost three.

“You’re deflecting.” Janus chided.

“I had a nightmare about messing up so badly Thomas kicked me into the subconscious.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Janus pulled Virgil back in for a hug, knowing it was every side’s worst fear to be consumed by the subconscious and no longer have a voice, simply being a function. 

Virgil allowed himself to relax into Janus, remembering the good days when he was first developing. He remembered when Janus would pull him out of anxiety attacks, telling him small lies to get him to calm down. Janus used to help him by having Thomas give little white lies to prolong the inevitable and give Virgil just a bit more time to figure things out.

The hug turned into more of a massage as Janus’ six hands found all the knots that Virgil stored his tension in. With two hands on his shoulders, two on his scalp, and two working on his back, Virgil soon melted under Janus’ ministrations. When all the knots were gone and Virgil was as pliant as the play dough he had used just two days before, Janus picked up the smaller side and plopped him in the bed.

Janus himself moved to the couch, stretching himself out and getting comfortable. In the morning, he would suggest that he guide Virgil through yoga exercises and make it a regular occurrence. In the morning, he would discuss with Virgil about coming to him whenever he needed him, not just when he was so distraught he couldn’t think. For now, however, he would lay there and sleep. 

When morning inevitably came around, he woke to find Virgil gone from the bed. Sighing, he instead made it and wandered down to find Virgil in the kitchen, talking with Patton. Janus listened in on it.

“It was the craziest thing, Dad. It felt so real.”

“Well, Kiddo, it could just be that you’ve been working overtime too much lately. Thomas and Logan were talking about the benefits of going on break for a while so maybe that will help you calm down a bit.”

“Yeah, not stressing over trying to get content out will be nice but it will leave a hole in my stress schedule that I can already predict will be filled by other things.”

“Maybe this is a time for you to focus more on your prompts and remedies. I know you like playing chess with Logan in the afternoons. How about we get together and do something every once in a while? Quack.” The sound of a cabinet door opening made its way to Janus so he assumed the animal noise was a warning to Virgil to duck.

Janus decided he had had enough of hiding in the shadows, listening without being heard. So, he walked down the rest of the stairs and into the kitchen, coming to a stop next to Virgil, who was sitting on the counter while Patton made breakfast. “How did you sleep, Storm cloud?” He asked softly.

“Fine thanks.” Virgil made an effort to articulate the words as his hands wrapped tighter around the cup of coffee he was holding.

“That’s good. Hey, I heard that yoga can help reduce anxiety. Wanna give it a shot with me?”

Virgil tilted his head side to side in the way he did when considering something. “Sure. That works. It’d have to be in the morning, though. My afternoons are booked.”

Janus nodded, grateful Virgil even responded. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love leaving references to other things in works and this was the perfect opportunity to do so.


	14. Blue's Clues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell the chapter titles are getting worse?

Virgil slipped on his headphones, allowing them to settle into the familiar spots. Playing his feel good playlist, he allowed his thumb to raise the volume just shy of maximum. The remedy that normally worked today was a struggle to focus on. Nevertheless, he pushed through the muck of his thoughts, trying to banish the shadows back to the corners of his room where they belonged. He moved around his room, not really doing anything. It was more of a pacing than anything else but it still felt good to move. He liked the way that, by focusing on the movement of his legs, he could tuner out everything else in the world.

When he was feeling better, he went to look at the next two remedies for the fortnight. Make a list of any random thing and count all the same colored objects in the room or house. He smiled, pleased by how well they compliment each other. Looking around the room, he realized that he should look for a rare color to make it more engaging. Doing so, he picked blue. Any shade would count. He got out a pad of paper and a pen, writing the word ‘Blue’ on the top line, and began the scavenger hunt. 

Curtains in the living room. The blue book on the shelf in the dining area. Some of the spider webs looked blue. The  _ Nightmare Before Christmas _ posters with the blue tinge. The old DSI on the nightstand. The cap on the lotion bottle in the downstairs bathroom. The cap on the contact container. An old envelope stuck between two books. The dry hair shampoo bottle for when he didn’t feel like showering. The stomach of a stuffed animal Patton gave him.

Looking over the list, he did feel calmer. He thought that this would work. He realized just how versatile these two were together as the more anxious he felt, the more prevalent a color could be counted. This allowed him to focus on the finding color rather than the source of the anxiety.


	15. Attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some less than healthy behavior in it including a triggered anxiety attack and others. I completely understand if anyone skips it. CW: Brief mention of vomiting, anxiety attacks, thoughts of death, mentions of strangulation.

Virgil was jittery. He really didn’t like the next three prompts and was lamenting the fact he had to do them at all. He considered going to someone, anyone, hoping for permission to skip this round of so-called remedies. Or at least redraw them. He could barely stomach the thought of having to do these.

Trying to do his best, he started with the lavender prompt. He searched on the internet but couldn’t find anything suggesting a course of action. Some things said it was the smell that helped, others said it had to be applied to the skin, still others said to take it orally. Not sure, Virgil did the dumb thing: do all three at once. 

He was vomiting within the hour. He wasn’t sure if taking it all three ways was what did him in, or if it was simply that he was allergic to the lavender. Either way, he was crouched on the bathroom floor after his stomach had started hurting, emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet bowl. When he knew it had stopped he put it on the list of things to avoid. 

He went and laid down, hoping he would feel better afterwards but couldn’t sleep. His thoughts just kept circling around different things. What if he were dying due to that? Could anyone die from overexposure to lavender? What would happen to Thomas if he died? Would Thomas go back to the reckless being of Accepting Anxiety? Would anxiety be absorbed by the subconscious? How would Virgil die? Would he feel it? Would he just fade from existence?

Rolling over, he looked at the sheet of paper he had written the three ‘remedies’ on. The second one was to think of different ways to die while the third one was to accept the fact he was having an anxiety attack. While he knew they really couldn’t be healthy, Thomas wouldn’t have bothered storing them if they weren’t worth giving a try. So, he allowed himself to continue the line of thought.

What other ways could he or Thomas have died in just the past week? Most things don’t affect Virgil but Thomas could have choked on a piece of food, gotten run over by not paying attention. Was it possible to die from sleep deprivation? He knew a study had been done on rats in which they died of sleep deprivation so it was possible.

Throughout the time he was thinking of this, the shadows in the corners crept out. They managed to form human-like shapes that stood over the bed, feeding Virgil thought after thought, working him up and closer to their desired end. They trapped the line of thought in Virgil’s head, almost forcing him to think of nothing but different ways to die until he had worn a rut in the path. Now, he couldn’t help but go through these thoughts. 

Virgil could feel his breaths coming faster and shallower than normal. His heart rate skyrocketed. His skin grew clammy as he started sweating. Eventually, he felt the harsh beating that told him his heart was skipping every other beat. He felt heavy, like he couldn’t move. At the same time, he felt as fragile as a leaf in the wind, shaking as bad as one. He felt like he was looking down on himself from above, like his spirit had left his body.

Virgil didn’t do anything to stop this. He ached to do breathing exercises, to cup his hands against his mouth in an attempt to breath. He wanted to  _ move _ to do something, to stop this. However, the thing that was supposed to save him from these said in order to get better he had to not do anything to stop it. 

So, he let it happen. He let the shadows congregate around the bed. He let one of them wrap their long, cold fingers around his neck, pushing on his windpipe. He let them hold his arms and legs down, not allowing him to struggle as he so wanted to do. They helped keep him as steady and still as the so-called remedy wanted him. 

Just when he thought he couldn’t take it anymore, just when he thought he was going to pass out, fade away, get absorbed by the subconscious, a whooshing sound cut through all the fog. “Kiddo, it’s dinner ti- are you alright?” Patton said. He moved over to the side of the bed where Virgil was lying as stiff as a board. 

“Kiddo?” Out of the corner of his eye, Virgil could see Patton’s hand reach for him but be smacked away by one of the shadows. 

Virgil wanted to reach for Patton, wanted to ask for help. As it was, he couldn’t do it even if he had the strength to at this point. 

Another whoosh cut through the silence as Logan arrived. “Virgil are you- oh. I see.” He tilted his head as he surveyed the room and situation. “That explains it.” He took two sure steps toward the bed before a shadow broke from the wall and blocked his way.

“No.” It growled out.

Logan’s face remained an impassive mask. “You are not real. You are a figment of his terror. Go.” The shadow dissolved and Virgil felt like crying of relief. Logan stepped closer, standing at the foot of the bed as another shadow approached. Logan repeated his tactic and the same thing happened. He made his way up the bed until he got to the one with its hands around Virgil’s neck. He repeated his words.

“That won’t work on meee.” The shadow hissed. 

Logan scanned the situation, eyes locking with Virgil’s no doubt panicked ones. “I see extra measures will have to be taken.” His eyes locked on something above Virgil’s head, presumably where the shadow’s own head was. “You are nothing but a flood of hormones. You hold no sway over anything in either the physical world nor here. You have no influence on anyone but Virgil and that is only because he lets you. Virgil,” his eyes moved back to Virgil’s, “please tell the shadow to leave.”

Virgil could barely shake his head but he somehow managed to do it. He knew he must look pathetic right now: lying ramrod straight on his bed, tears no doubt flowing down his temples and into his hair, but he truly couldn’t do anything. He was so far into the anxiety attack and seeing the other sides in distress didn’t help at all. Yes, Logan was distressed by this. It showed in the little things, the way his eyes looked wild, the glasses that he hadn’t bothered to push up from where they fell on his nose, the tie that had slid to the side that wasn’t corrected, the hands that couldn’t figure out what to do.

Logan nodded. “Well then, I assume you are the source of the problem?” Virgil managed a nod, eyes sliding to look at the paper on the nightstand. Logan noticed and picked it up, scanning the lines of crossed out text until he got to the three lines that weren’t crossed out: Lavender, imagine different ways to die, and accept the anxiety attack. 

“I see. Virgil, you must know this is not healthy. You should not have even thought about doing these. At the very least, you should have come to someone with more rational thinking such as Thomas or myself and asked if this should be skipped.” He knelt by the bed, cupping his hands gently over Virgil’s nose and mouth. “Breathing exercises, Virgil.”

He coached him through it, breathing in for four seconds, holding it for seven, breathing out for eight. Through it all, the shadow kept a tight grip on Virgil’s neck while Patton kept an even tighter grip on Virgil’s hand and Logan kept his hands in front of Virgil’s airways, acting as the typical paper bag. They repeated the process until Virgil’s heart was at a steady rate, his breathing was deep and even, and his thoughts were back to a normal track.

Once he was in control of himself again, he banished the shadow he deemed Death. He threw Death’s hands away from his neck and pushed it away, shoving it back to the corner of the room it came out of. It sat there, a set of glowing eyes, glaring. Virgil knew he would have to deal with Death later but right now he had two other beings he needed to deal with. He squeezed Patton’s hand back and allowed himself to lean against Logan’s chest for support. 

Yet another whooshing sounded over the sound of Virgil’s still labored breathing. “What is up, everyone?” Roman’s voice boomed. “Thomas is back to normal. I don’t know what you did but it worked. How is the Supreme Dark Overlord of Negative Commerce doing?” 

Virgil groaned quietly, his face pressed against Logan’s tie. Logan rested a hand on the top of Virgil’s head. Patton squeezed his hand before releasing it and standing. “He’s doing okay. How is Thomas?”

“He seems to have calmed down. He is wondering what happened and where you three are. I told him something about you being busy but I don’t think it will hold him off for long.”

Patton’s voice took on a perky tone. “I’ll go up and talk to the little slugger. Virgil, what do you want him to know?” 

Virgil lifted his head, already feeling a headache coming on. “I don’t know. Tell him something. Either way, I think you all need to get out before you are Corrupted.”

Logan looked down at Virgil, hand still on the top of his head. “I think it would not be beneficial to leave you alone in here, not while you are still weak and the shadows are so strong. Would you allow me to take you to the commons?”

Virgil nodded weakly. “Just let me get some stuff.” He grabbed a small salt lamp, a packet of chamomile tea, his music, and a puzzle. As he was doing so, Roman and Patton left to go talk to Thomas while Logan stayed behind with Virgil, ignoring the eye shadow lengthening across his cheeks.

Virgil came back to face Logan. “Alright. I’m ready and you need to get out of here. Let’s go.”

They sank out together, appearing near the couch in the common room. Logan helped Virgil set the salt lamp on the coffee table and had Virgil lie down on the couch while he made him some chamomile tea. They spent the rest of the day and night like that, Virgil just relaxing and recuperating while Logan sat nearby and read. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word of advice: Please don't do what Virgil does in this. Don't work yourself into an anxiety attack then simply accept it. This is not healthy and not a recommended option. 
> 
> I really have no excuse for making Virgil allergic to lavender. Yes, it fit the plot of the chapter but in reality, I just really don't like the smell of it.


	16. Talking Things Through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thomas only has one brain cell and the sides have to share it. Yesterday was not Virgil's turn. Nor, it turns out, was today.

Virgil didn’t follow any new remedies for the next few days. He just rested and fielded lectures from Logan and coddling from Patton. Roman simply questioned why he did that.

Once he was feeling better, he asked Patton to pick the next three as he still didn’t trust the book again. Patton smiled as he handed the paper and book back. Virgil looked at the paper and smiled too. This was something he could do and enjoy. Meditation that focused on being present in the surroundings, sandalwood oil for aromatherapy, and a weighted blanket. After the lavender debacle, Virgil had the presence of mind to ask Logan what aromatherapy was and how to use it. 

Equipped with this knowledge, he went back to his room and did some research on all three. How best to do mindfulness meditation, how to use the sandalwood oil best, and which type of weighted blanket he should start with. Once that was found out, he began to implement them. First, he used a weighted blanket on his bed. The thing was like instant relief. It allowed him to feel the weight and comfort of having something on top of him while still being light and lovely. He made sure to mark this down as something Thomas could use.

The second thing to be implemented was the sandalwood oil for aromatherapy. He started with scented candles, then went to scented lotions. The scent was woody and nice, quite calming. He later found out about incense burners and favored those over the other methods. That and the burners fit his aesthetic better.

Next was meditation. That was a hard one to start as he wasn’t sure how to begin. All the sources were vague on it. He started with the simple thing: finding a good spot to do it. Most said to do it where he felt most comfortable. He started on his stairs but that didn’t feel right so he moved to have his back to a wall. That didn’t feel right either. After playing around with different spots, the one he felt the most calmed on was the table. So, he sat cross-legged on the table as he focused on counting his breaths. He counted to ten, in odds, out evens. He focused on simply letting his anxious thoughts happen, not acknowledging them but letting them slide off him like water on a duck.

Once he was comfortable, he found that having the incense going while meditating helped. Eventually, he wound up meditating with the incense burning and the weighted blanket wrapped around him, his hoodie off. That was how he was found a few days later when Thomas called him.

Once second he was sitting with his eyes closed in his familiar environment, the next the world was spinning as a voice called his name. A thud sounded next to him as he got there, his presence displacing the book in the same spot as he was. When he opened his eyes, Thomas was standing near the stairs, seeming to be waiting for him. 

“What do you want?” Virgil grumbled, pulling the blanket just a bit tighter around his shoulders. 

Thomas jumped and turned around. “What are you doing over there?”

“Um, I’m sitting. I  _ can _ control where I arrive, you know.”

“Ah, right. Like Patton and Roman swapped places occasionally.” Thomas nodded as he came over and took a seat.

“What do you want this time?” Virgil asked again, already missing his incense.

“We need to talk.”

“We are.” 

Thomas sighed. “About the other day. Patton told me to wait a bit for it and I have but we need to talk about it.”

VIrgil nodded. “What do you want to know? Remember, some information is better off not being known.”

“I know that was a threat but am ignoring it. I want to know about why I, and apparently you, had an anxiety attack a week ago.” 

Virgil did his best to look nonchalant. “We had an anxiety attack. A bad one. That’s all.”

Thomas shook his head. “It’s not. I know there’s more. I will pry it out of one of the others if I have to.”

Virgil sighed. “I can’t tell you.”

“Can’t or won’t? Come on, Virge, work with me here?”

“Okay, won’t. It’s not a big deal and I’ve handled it, okay?”

“Fine, you leave me no choice. Logan!”

Logan rose up in his usual spot, facing into the dining room. “I agree with Thomas. You need to tell him. I will respect your privacy but you need to tell him.”

“Why are you taking his side in this?!” Virgil asked indignantly.

Logan shook his head. “I am not taking sides, merely stating the facts. It would be beneficial to both of you to talk this over. Besides, you were going to tell him anyways. Might as well do it now.”

Virgil groaned, wishing he had his hood to bury his face in. He went for the next best thing and pulled the weighted blanket tighter around himself, tilting his head down to hide better. “Fine. You can stay if you want.”

Thomas reached a hand out, putting it on top of Virgil’s knee. “Take your time.”

Virgil hissed lightly as he drew his knees to his chest, resting his folded arms on top of them. “I was experimenting with something. It got out of hand. Is that all you wanted? Can I go now?” He moved as if to disappear but Thomas stopped him.

“That’s not the full story. Do I need to get Logan to tell it?”

“Hey!” Logan protested. “Why am I being used as a threat?”

Virgil smirked. “Yeah, it’s not like he started this whole mess anyways. Why should he be punished?”

“Logan, is this true?” Thomas’ attention was, for the moment, off Virgil.

For a split second, he went back to his room and grabbed his hoodie, throwing it on as he jumped over the couch. He reappeared on the other side of the couch, feeling better for the distance between himself and Thomas as well as having the comfort of the hoodie back. They seemed to be looking for him.

“Fine, we can talk.” Virgil declared as he tried to keep his voice steady.

Thomas sighed. “Why did you run away?”

“I didn’t run away, and I’m back now. Let’s leave it at that. Logan, I’ve got it from here.”

Logan crossed his arms. “Are you going to tell him the whole truth?”

Virgil held one hand to his heart and the other in the air. “I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Happy?”

Logan nodded. “It’s sufficient.” He sank out, leaving Thomas alone with Virgil.

“So, the truth.” Thomas stood and leaned against the back of the couch.

“Right. At one point, Logan gave me a book. I guess I should explain that Logan keeps your memories and thus specific niches of topics and that they appear as books in the massive library he calls a room?” He quirked an eyebrow at Thomas.

“That makes sense. Go on.”

Virgil nodded. “The book contained a specific afternoon’s memories. The afternoon after I showed up in the videos, you researched how to get rid of me or help me.”

“Virge, it was-”

He held up a hand. “Save it. It doesn’t matter now. Anyways, I was given the book in an attempt to help relieve symptoms of . . . well, myself. Anyways, it catalogued each and every so-called remedy you found on a seperate page like recipes. I’ve been following those for a while now.”

“How long is a while?”

“I don’t know about 28 weeks now, give or take a few.”

“That’s a little over half a year, Virgil. When were you planning on telling me?”

“When I had finished the whole book and figured out which ones would work best for you. You really should invest in a weighted blanket.”

“Noted. What remedies prompted the attack, if I may ask?”

“Are you really asking yourself if you can ask a question? How meta are we getting today?”

“Alright, stupid phrasing. Just answer the question.”

“It was the stupidest combination of things I’ve ever seen. Think about different ways to die, and accept the anxiety attack.”

“Virgil!” Thomas seemed ready to jump over the couch to get to Virgil.

“In my defense, I was just following your suggestions. You wouldn’t have remembered it if you hadn’t considered it a viable option. Another point I would like to make is that you probably shouldn’t have found half of these things on Reddit.”

Thomas slumped over. “Fair point.” He moved to sit on the couch, leaving Virgil quite a bit of room. “Still, you could have come and talked to me about it.”

“Logic isn’t my strong suit. Also, I sound the alarm at talking in general, why would I talk to you about this?”

“Because I need to communicate with myself to function properly?” Thomas said as if Virgil lacked brain cells entirely. Which wasn't altogether false.

“Yeah, and I never think straight.”

Thomas laughed. “So, besides the blanket, any other input on the remedies?”

“Don’t eat lavender.”

Thomas laughed again, sounding a lot like Roman’s booming laugh. “Okay, got it.”

Virgil allowed a small smile to creep across his face as they talked, Virgil detailing all the pros and cons to each remedy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually have tried the things mentioned in this chapter and they work great. Meditation doesn't work as well as I want it to simply because of my short attention span but the weighted blanket and smell of sandalwood are amazing.


	17. Lazy Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw the remedies I had and saw it as an excuse to write fluff so I took it.

Virgil pulled all the blankets he could find off his bed and out of his closets and dropped them into a pile on the common room floor, not caring where the coffee table was.

Logan looked up from the book he was reading. “Why are you in your skeleton onesie?”

“Are you doing okay, Kiddo?” Patton asked from the kitchen.

Virgil turned in a slow circle, hands on his hips. “I am declaring this to be a mental health day! Onesies for everyone! We are going to put on a movie marathon where everyone gets to pick a movie, and you are all going to like it!” He raised his hand and dragged in the other three sides.

Roman looked disgruntled. “What is the meaning of this? Why are there blankets in the middle of the floor?”

Logan put his book down. “Is this part of the Book or is this your idea?”

“Both. The three remedies for this week were to lay down, sleep it off, and yawn. Still don’t know why the last one is there.” He shrugged.

“Yawning is only done in a safe setting. It conveys to the body that it is alright to relax and unwind. Thus, it helps with stress by telling you that there is no need for your physical symptoms and to stop them.”

Virgil nodded, thoughtful. “Okay. So, who wants to start?”

Janus scoffed. “Why should we,” he pointed to Remus, “join in this . . . this . . . cuddle fest?”

“Because I said so. And besides, it can be fun. Don’t tell me you don’t want to watch-”

“Don’t.” 

“What, so you can call me a liar but you won’t let me say a movie title?”

Roman looked between the two. “Now I’m curious. I was also wanting to watch the new  _ Aladdin  _ anyways so I’ll stay.” He spun and changed into his beast onesie.

Remus laughed. “What, you didn’t know that Jay’s favorite movie is  _ Inkheart _ ?”

Janus hissed at him. “Traitors, the both of you.” Nevertheless, he snapped his fingers and was instantly wearing a snake onesie and holding the case for  _ Inkheart _ . 

Virgil smiled. “Thank you. Remus, what movie would you pick? I will have to suggest you keep the gore to a minimum for Patton’s sake.”

Remus smiled as he changed into boxers. “How about  _ Charlie and the Chocolate Factory _ ? That one’s fun!”

Virgil smiled, waving a hand to put him in a dragon onesie. “That one is fine.” 

Logan stood. “I will request not to wear a onesie but I’ll also suggest watching RDJ’s  _ Sherlock Holmes _ .”

Virgil nodded and wandered over to the kitchen as Roman took it upon himself to make the blankets into a nest and Remus made a fort with them, the twins squabbling over who got to use which blanket. “Pat? What movie are you gonna pick?”

He pulled a, slightly burnt, batch of cookies out of the oven. “I was thinking  _ Christopher Robin _ . I haven’t gotten a chance to watch that yet.” He spun as Roman did, changing into his cat onesie.

“Perrrfect, Pat. I’ll start queuing up the movies.”

Patton laughed. “Dad joke!”

Roman popped his head out of the fort, reaching to drag pillows into it. “Virge, you still haven’t told us what movie you’re gonna pick.”

“You’ll just have to find out.” Virgil grabbed the remote from the pushed aside coffee table and started queuing up the movies as the others gathered around and climbed into the fort. Logan had changed into at least a white t-shirt and sweatpants so Virgil really couldn’t complain.

“Come on now, Anx, we all said what we wanted to watch, now it’s your turn.” Remus said.

“Fine. I picked  _ The Addams Family _ . Happy, Trusi?”

“Very much so. Now, get in the hole.”

Virgil crawled in with the rest of them, each having a lot of room due to Creativity making it bigger on the inside than the outside. They all comfortably relaxed as they had a movie marathon. As the movies progressed, they ate lunch and dinner. The marathon went late into the night, causing many of them, Virgil included, to yawn and some to fall asleep.

It was about ten at night when it was just Virgil and Logan let awake as  _ Sherlock Holmes _ kept going. As the end credits rolled, Virgil’s head fell onto Logan’s hand as the side fell asleep. Logan smiled as he gently extricated himself from the pile and turned the TV and lights off before crawling back into the warm next the two creativities created. He fell asleep with a smile on his face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do have reasons for each movie and will answer questions if asked.


	18. Cubes and Curves

Virgil was unnecessarily jittery today. He didn’t know why, but something just felt off. He tried to play it off to himself that it was just dealing with life, but he couldn’t shake the feeling. After a while, he gave in and accepted the fact he would be feeling bad all day. Instead of trying to find out why things felt off, he ignored it.

Taking the stairs two at a time, Virgil rushed into his living room. He walked over to his kitchen, opening his freezer. He glared at the ice tray he had set in there an hour ago. “Freeze already!” He growled before storming back to lay on his couch. He picked up the piece of paper containing the prompts of the fortnight. 

“Use a fidget cube,” he read aloud, “draw something, and stick an ice cube in your mouth to prevent an anxiety attack. Well, I’ve dealt with worse. I also happen to like my fidget cube so that’s a plus.” He muttered to himself for a few more minutes before getting up.

He walked upstairs and grabbed his headphones and said cube before heading out the front door to get to the common room. He plopped down on the couch before playing his music and fiddling with the cube. He kept clicking the button side, aimlessly moving his thumb about on the buttons while bobbing his head to the music. Eventually, someone put a hand on his shoulder. 

He opened his eyes and pulled one headphone away from his ear. “Yes?”

Roman was standing in front of him, arms crossed. “Could you not?”

Virgil frowned. “Not what?”

“Make so much noise. I’m trying to write and you’re interrupting my flow.”

“Roman, I said to leave him alone.” Logan said from the other end of the couch. “Virgil, you were fine. The clicking wasn’t even that loud. He’s just having writer's block and is releasing steam.”

Virgil nodded. “Do you wanna talk about it?” He asked Roman.

Roman scowled but plopped down next to Virgil. “I can’t get this one scene right and it’s driving me up a wall!”

“Figuratively?” Logan asked from across the room.

“No, literally.” Remus said from his spot hanging from the ceiling.

Virgil looked straight at him. “Trash rat.”

“You’re the actual trash rat, raccoon.”

Virgil hissed at him before turning back to Roman as if the conversation had never been interrupted. “I know that sometimes it helps to talk to someone or something about it. Have you tried to conjure a stuffed animal to tell the scene to? It might help to recite it outloud, it’s easier to gauge flow that way.”

Roman stared at him. “I might just do that. How do you know about that?”

Logan smiled. “The rubber duck method is common among people of many different professions.”

Roman nodded, grabbing his journal and sinking out.

Virgil smiled and put his headphones back into place, going back to fidgeting. After he was startled out of his half-asleep state by his headphones needing to be charged, he checked on the ice cubes in the freezer. They seemed to be almost done.

Virgil grabbed a sketchbook and went back to sitting on the communal couch. He looked around the room before focusing on one of the posters near the TV and stairs, trying to copy it as best he can into the sketchbook. As he lost himself in copying the exact curve of the image on the poster, the uneasiness he had been feeling faded away. 

Looking up, he stared off into space for a few minutes, reveling in the weightless feeling that came with the off feeling leaving. He quickly went back to his art, working until he had a perfect image in his book.

Going back to the cube, he enjoyed the feeling of nothing happening. That is, until he got suspicious of the nothing. It felt  _ too _ quiet, too calm. Now that the uneasy feeling was gone, he was curious as to what it had to do with anything. He searched through what he knew of Thomas’ schedule and the past few days, trying to pinpoint the feeling. As he did so, his breaths came in shorter until he was almost gasping.

“Virgil!” Logan’s voice broke through his circling thoughts.

“Huh . . . ?” Virgil took off his headphones, only now noticing his heart rate was skyrocketing. “Oh. I’ll be right back.” He exited the room and went to his freezer, not caring if the ice cubes were done. 

Technically, they weren’t actually cubes as the trays were shaped like bats but Virgil didn’t care enough to make the distinction as he popped on into his mouth. Instantly, all his nerves were focused on the COLD thing in his mouth. His thoughts about the uneasy feeling were gone as he focused on the ice. He returned to the common room, breathing steady.

“Are you feeling better?” Logan asked, concerned even if he tried not to show it.

Virgil just nodded, picking back up his fidget cube. He allowed the ice cube to melt in his mouth, savoring the feeling of it. He smiled, almost melting into the couch as he allowed himself to relax for the first time all day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have yet to try the ice cube thing yet but science says it works. I also really want to try the fidget cube thing.


	19. Hot Peppermint Cocoa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Platonic Moxiety bonding time!!!

Patton finished the last dish from dinner and came to sit beside Virgil, looking over his shoulder. “Whatcha doing, Kiddo?”

Virgil looked over at him. “I’m grabbing the next remedies. The next two weeks start tomorrow. ”

“What do ya have so far?”

Virgil looked at the sheet next to him. “Cut down on caffeine, and suck on peppermint candies.”

Patton smiled, taking the book from Virgil’s hands. “Let me pick the next one!” He pretended to open it to a random page but instead quickly peeked at multiple ones until he found one he liked. “How about, eat dark chocolate?”

Virgil nodded as he wrote it next to the others in his cramped scrawl. “That’s good. I’ve heard about dark chocolate helping with anxiety. Normally, the darker the better. It also supposedly helps calm the fight or flight response.”

Patton smiled. “These things go great together. You can cut down on caffeine by replacing your five cups of coffee with hot chocolate. Also, you can always have peppermint candies on hand. Not to mention all the chocolate/ peppermint combination candies out there.”

“Yeah, peppermint bark is pretty good.” Virgil leaned back, his shoulder pressing into Patton’s. “This could work. I’ll stop coffee tomorrow, give myself a detox.”

Patton nodded. “Do you want any chocolate now or should I save it for tomorrow?”

“Save it for tomorrow. For now, we have a Puppy Bowl to watch.” He grabbed the remote and flipped to their recorded show. 

The next morning, Virgil trudged into the common room for ‘family breakfast’ as Patton called it. He smelled coffee but also heard the kettle whistling on the stove. He wandered into the kitchen and found Patton humming as he made what looked like oatmeal. “What’s the kettle for, Dad?” He asked as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

“It’s for your hot chocolate, kiddo! I thought you would enjoy one with breakfast. I was also in the mood for tea so decided to do the whole kettle.”

Virgil nodded, coming over to rest his head briefly on Patton’s back before sitting on a non occupied part of the counter. “Thanks, Dad.” He muttered, not much of a morning person.

Patton laughed. “No problem, Kiddo.”

Logan was the next to arrive, already looking as if he had been up for a few hours. His eyes caught the kettle on the stove but he said nothing as he sat at the table and looked over Thomas’ schedule.

Next was Roman. He came bounding into the room, looking for all the world as if he was about to set off on some epic quest. “Good morning, every-royal!” He called, voice seeming to boom.

Virgil groaned and pulled his hood up. “Too noisy too early.” He muttered.

Patton put an understanding hand on his knee before reaching around him. “Quack.” 

Virgil ducked, allowing Patton to access the cabinet he had been blocking. Patton retrieved the bowls he wanted before closing the cabinet and allowing Virgil to sit up again. He grabbed the normal condiments for oatmeal: brown sugar, raisins, assorted spices, and other similar things. 

“Breakfast is ready!” Patton called, summoning Remus (who crawled across the ceiling) and Janus (who walked in like a normal person). 

Virgil slid off the counter, grabbing his skeleton mug and making himself a cup of hot chocolate. He set that on the table before making himself a bowl of oatmeal with brown sugar, cinnamon, and raisins. As he was sitting down, Patton’s head popped up from where he was rifling through cabinets. “Hey, Virge, you wanna stick a candy cane in that chocolate, go for three-in-one?”

Virgil smiled. “That sounds great, thanks.” He took the offered peppermint stick and dropped it into his hot chocolate.

The breakfast was filled with Roman’s chatter of the adventure he had just been on in the Imagination. After the meal, Logan informed the group of the plan for the day, namely to edit videos and make some short vids. Virgil hung out on the couch for the rest of the day, Patton keeping his mug full, just relaxing with the others. Roman was off helping Thomas edit the videos, Remus was in his room creating nightmares, and Janus was in his room. This meant that it was just Logan, Patton, and Virgil in the common room for most of the day. Virgil was fine with that as he played with his fidget cube and drank his hot chocolate and peppermint. 


	20. I’ve Yet To Think Of A Witty Chapter Title For This One...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt poetic. Which is code for: What am I doing anymore. I need to sleep.

Virgil knew of the breathing exercises. Had known of them since the very beginning. Somehow, he seemed to have been created with them, like a machine with a self-destruct button built in. They were the first coping mechanism he had ever had, the only one he had needed for a long while. But, now that Thomas was older, they needed different coping mechanisms. He knew from experience that things that at one point helped calm his anxiety turned against him into things that heightened it instead. That was a painful experience as he had to learn that the hard way. 

So now, he was back. He stared at the Book, sitting on the side table across the room while he sat on a beanbag near his closet. He sighed and stood, walking over to the object to interact with it. He did the routine, as easy as breathing now, and pulled out the three forms of relief he would be attempting to utilize over the next two weeks. 

Breathing exercises. Okay, he knew how to do those. As easy as counting, as simple as could be. So why did he feel dread as he looked at that promise of relief? Was it that he was afraid of using a coping mechanism too much in case it turned against him, like a medicine turning into an allergy? 

Run hands or skin under hot water. Okay, that he understood. This was the same thing with the ice cube, just with different stuff. Using a swift burst of extreme temperature to take the focus off the worry and onto the affected body part.

Color. Now here was where he drew the line. Why would coloring help him relax? How would coloring help him relax? He went and did research on it, asking Logan and Roman their opinions as well. Logan informed him that it helped the fear part of his brain relax and works the same way mediation does. 

Roman allowed him to use a coloring book he had. The rest of the afternoon was spent on the floor of the common room, lying on their stomachs coloring together. They bickered brotherly over crayons, tried to mess the other’s art up, and just enjoyed each other's company. 

When he was feeling anxious, he excused himself to the bathroom. He turned the faucet to the hottest temperature he could stand and let his hands sit there as they were pelted with the full blast of the water pressure for a full minute or so. He felt calmer, as if the water were washing away his troubles and anxieties.

He used the breathing exercises regularly, as often as he needed. He got used to breathing in that rhythm to the point that it became his natural rhythm to breath in. He couldn’t remember how he breathed before. It seemed as if he had always breathed this way. He still had to be coaxed into using them sometimes, especially after or during an attack. Those were the times where it felt the least natural to breath that way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the hands under hot water works for me. It even helped me stave off an anxiety attack at one point.


	21. Remus' Playdate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lunatic19 suggested something that was, again, already on my list to do so I decided to do it. Part of the beginning is inspired by one of Thomas' short vids. I swear Remus is in this, it just went longer than I thought it would. (Can you tell how much I love Logan?)  
> The italic part is a memory.

Beginning inspired by [this](https://gaylotusthatexists.tumblr.com/post/619180826163331073/what-even-is-thiss-thatsthat24-all-my).

* * *

Virgil ended the first week having not done a single remedy from the list. He felt like a failure. As he was getting ready for bed, a knock sounded at his room’s door. “It’s open!” He called, not feeling like going all the way down to the front door. He heard it open and footsteps come up the stairs. 

“Virgil?” Logan’s voice sounded.

“In the bathroom.” A minute later Logan was leaning against the door jamb as Virgil removed his eyeshadow. “Did you need something?” Virgil asked. 

“I thought you might. Did you pick the remedies for the fortnight or did you decide to take a break?”

Virgil sighed, moving to sit on the counter to look into the mirror on the medicine cabinet. “I did pick them, I just haven’t gotten a chance to do them. The paper’s on the nightstand.”

Logan nodded and disappeared from the doorway. He reappeared a few seconds later, paper in hand. “Paint your nails, play video games, and take a bubble bath.” He read off. “I can see how you would have trouble accomplishing this. Were you wanting someone else to accompany you with the first two?”

Virgil shrugged. “Kind of.” His hands stilled, dropping to his lap still gripping the cotton ball he had been using. 

Logan smiled. “I think I can help with the last one. I can understand the fear that would come with laying in a body of water for a prolonged period of time. Maybe, if you did it in my room, which is grounded in reality, it would ease the fears. Getting out of your own room would do it too.”

Virgil frowned. “Your room looks the least like Thomas’ house, how is it grounded in reality?”

“Most times, you appear in my office/ storage room. My actual room is much closer to Thomas’ house.”

“How does everyone have a storage room but me? Patton has his Nostalgia Nirvana, you have your Library, Roman and Remus have the Imagination, and even Janus has a form of storage closet.”

“Maybe you just haven’t found a way to access it yet. We can work on that later. For now, would you be interested in taking a bath in my room? I would be willing to supply bath salts and bath bombs with essential oils if you wish to continue the aromatherapy you were previously doing.”

Virgil nodded, smiling. “Yeah, I think I’d like that, thanks.” 

Logan nodded. “I will draw the bath. You go ahead and gather clothes and any other things you would need. I bathe in the morning so don’t worry about taking up too much time.”

Virgil nodded. “Thanks for this, Lo.”

Logan gave him one of his larger smiles and left. Virgil gathered up a pair of sweatpants and a light hoodie, his usual nightclothes. The onesies were saved for very stressful days. Just to mess with Logan, he grabbed a wine glass and bottle of grape Gatorade. Once he had everything he thought he would need, including a towel, he made his way to Logan’s room.

When he got there, the door had a sticky note on it that read, “Come on in”. So, Virgil did. He walked right in and promptly stopped in his tracks upon entering. It looked similar to Thomas’ apartment, just with Logan’s decorating style. Everything was in its place and it was neat and tidy. There were indigo accents everywhere. The thing that caused Virgil to stop in wonder, however, was the ceiling. There was a projector sitting on the coffee table that was casting a perfect replica of Logan’s favorite constellations onto the ceiling.

Logan came down the stairs as Virgil was still standing there. “There you are, I thought I heard someone come in. Come on, the bath is ready.”

Virgil snapped out of it and followed Logan up the stairs. He had plastic glow-in-the-dark stars on the bedroom ceiling in simple patterns that didn't fit with any constellation Virgil was aware of. “What constellation is that?” He asked.

Logan looked up and smiled softly. “It isn’t really a constellation. It’s just a pattern designed to sooth. If you would like, we could put some on your ceiling. It would look nice against the black paint.”

Virgil nodded. “That’d be nice.”

Logan led him to the bathroom and explained that he had put some essential oils like sandalwood and others recommended to calm and a bath bomb with flower petals in the water before leaving, shutting the door behind him.

Virgil allowed himself to relax in the water for a few minutes, even drinking the Gatorade out of the wine glass. When he felt like it, he started washing up. However, as he dunked his head under to rinse the shampoo out, he had a Déjà vu moment. The last time he had taken a bath, it was when he had still been a new side.

_ Janus had shown him to the bathroom and allowed him to take a bath. Halfway through it, as he was rinsing his hair, he heard a splash and a shout of joy. Quickly raising his head, he came face to face with another side. This one had a mustache and a streak of white hair. He wore green and black and smelled.  _

_ “Hello.” The other side said. _

_ Virgil scrambled back, trying to keep his distance from the side that was trying to share his bath. “Who are you?” His voice shook, edging on an anxiety attack.  _

_ “I’m Remus, of course. Creativity, intrusive thoughts, and lover of all things horror or dirt. In fact, I just came back from burying a body. You wanna see it?”  _

_ Virgil shook his head rapidly. “No, thanks. I’m good. Why are you here? I was told I’d be alone for a while.” _

_ “Did Snakey not tell you? I’m not allowed back into the common room until I’m clean. I also came for the extra bars of deodorant stored here.” He hopped out of the bath, trailing water everywhere, and opened the cabinet under the sink to grab a bar of deodorant. Opening the bar, he took a bite out of it before offering it to Virgil. “Want some?” _

_ “No thanks.” He grabbed his towel, not caring about the soap still in his hair, before making his way to the door and leaving. _

Virgil raised his head out of the water and looked around, Remus nowhere in sight. Finishing the last of his Gatorade, he dried off and dressed, hair still a mess. He made sure to drain the tub before moving to open the door, only for it to not move. He frowned, trying to open it again. His breath came a bit quicker as he tried again. “Logan?!” He called, trying to keep calm.

“Yes, Virgil, did you need something?” Logan’s voice sounded from just outside the door.

“The door won’t open.” 

Logan grunted before the door opened. “I should have warned you about that. It tends to stick sometimes.” 

Virgil nodded. “Thanks. For everything, I mean.”

Logan placed a hand on his shoulder. “Any time. Did it feel relaxing at all?”

Virgil nodded. “Yeah, it did for the most part.”

“I’m glad. Sleep well, Virgil.”

Virgil returned to his own room, determined to talk to Remus in the morning. The next time he had a chance to talk to Remus was after breakfast. He lounged on the living room couch as Virgil set up the Wii, wanting to play some Mario Kart. “Hey, Trusi.” He said, falling back into old nicknames.

“Yeah, Anx?” 

“Do you remember when we first met?”

“Yeah, I do. That was hilarious, by the way.”

“Glad I could entertain you with my heart attack.” He tossed one of the controllers to him, mentally crossing off ‘play video games’ from the list.

They bantered for a while longer as everyone filtered in as the game loaded and they picked characters and a track. Remus went for Waluigi while Virgil went for Dry Bones. The other sides settled themselves around the room, Roman already calling to play the winner.

They did best two out of three, sabotaging each other with elbow bumps and name calling, bringing up past memories in attempts to throw the other off their groove. 

“Come on, Virgil. I thought you would have grown out of driving like a vulture by now.” Remus taunted.

Virgil laughed. “That’s a lot of talk coming from the one who drives like an old lady.”

Eventually, Virgil won two with Remus just barely winning the third. Roman played Virgil, who beat him twice before moving on to beat Patton. He was surprised when Logan came over and grabbed the controller before completely decimating Virgil in all three matches. 

Virgil pouted and moved to where Remus and Patton were painting each others’ nails while Janus played Logan. Before he could react, Remus captured one of Virgil’s hands and started painting the nails, being unusually gentle with it.

“Wow, Trusi, I didn’t know you knew how to do that.”

“What be gentle?”

“No, paint nails. I’ve always known you can be gentle when you want to be.”

“Patton taught me recently when I learned that it helped you calm down.”

Virgil smiled. “Thanks, Pat. You’ve made the gremlin go soft.”

Patton laughed as he painted Roman’s nails. “No problem, Kiddo.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon painting each others' nails and watching Logan and Janus try to beat each other at a game they were easily matched at. They ran through all the tracks and almost all the characters before calling it a draw, neither one willing to do it first. Patton had to draw them away with dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The gremlin is a menace.


	22. Field Day

Virgil really didn’t know how this had ended up this way. This morning, he had been sitting at the table talking to Patton about the remedies for the next two weeks and wondering how he was going to do two of the three. Now, it was about mid afternoon and he was standing in the middle of a path deep in a forest, waiting for Roman. 

Remus walked along, morning star held poised over his shoulder. “Hey, Anx. Where’s Roman?”

Virgil nodded to the hole in the hill beside him. “Down the rabbit hole.”

Remus sighed and lowered his weapon. “Chasing a plot bunny?”

“Yep.”

Remus nodded, moving to sit on the hill above the hole. A few more minutes passed before the sounds of breathing and struggling sounded from the rabbit hole. Remus stood, poised to hit Roman as soon as he came out, which he did after another few minutes. Remus immediately hit him on the head. As they were in the Imagination, this didn’t harm Roman much but it did cause him to drop the rabbit he was holding. 

The rabbit promptly yelled, “Motorbiking wizard!”

Roman sighed, not moving to pick the creature back up. “Another dud.” He turned to look at his brother behind him. “What do you want now, Remus?”

“I’m bored.”

“That’s nice. Come on, Virgil, we need to get back before sundown.” Roman started walking, the other two sides trailing behind him.

They walked for a while longer, eventually arriving back at Roman’s castle. “Oh, are we going to the AMR?” Remus asked, bouncing on his toes.

Virgil looked between the brothers. “What’s that?”

Roman sighed, stopping in his tracks to turn to face them. “The AMR, as Remus called it, is a room in the castle that is filled with breakable objects that are easily replaced. AMR stands for anger management room.”

Virgil nodded. “It makes sense to go there, one of my tasks is to break things.”

Remus practically jumped. “Oh, goody. Let’s go now.” He sped off down a corridor, swiftly disappearing from sight.

Roman pinched the bridge of his nose in a show of patience. “I guess we should follow him so he doesn’t break something he shouldn’t.” They set off to follow him.

Virgil’s curiosity was spiked. “Why  _ do _ you have a room of breakable objects?”

“For the exact reason as the name implies. Sometimes, Remus can be a bit much. That’s when I use the room. Sometimes, he’s like a little kid with too much energy but there is nothing around to slay. That’s when he uses the room. Mainly, it’s just used for the both of us to rampage if needed. Patton and Logan also will occasionally take advantage of it to blow off some steam.”

Virgil nodded. He wondered why he wasn’t told of the room or even just given the option but didn’t voice that curiosity. He supposed he should be content to know of its existence now. They arrived at the room to hear the sound of porcelain shattering on the floor accompanied by Remus’ demented giggle. 

Before Virgil could step in, Roman handed him a pair of goggles and a sledgehammer. “Go wild.” He said before stepping back and letting Virgil through.

Virgil stepped into the room and found it a mess but quite a few things still in one piece. Remus grinned at him but left him alone, smashing his morning star into a vase and watching the pieces explode. Virgil grinned as he hefted the sledgehammer in his hands before copying the action and aiming it at the nearest vase. The force of the tool hitting the vase caused Virgil to let out a whoop of laughter that could rival Remus’.

They stopped when the whole room was a mess, and a few Remus caused dents in the walls that Roman pretended didn’t exist. Patton’s voice rang through the castle as he called them to dinner in the Mindscape common room. As they passed through the door leading into Roman’s room, their outfits were cleaned and hair fixed, as if they hadn’t taken a walk in the woods, crawled through rabbit warrens, and destroyed a whole room.

Virgil nudged Remus, pointing at their clean clothes. “This would have been nice all those years ago.” he referenced their first meeting.

Remus laughed, slinging an arm over Virgil’s shoulders. “I can do that too. I just enjoy being messy.”

After dinner, all the sides piled onto and around the couch for movies. As the evening progressed, Virgil could feel the anxiety slipping back around him like his hoodie. He pulled the article of clothing tighter around himself before pulling out his phone and scrolling through his social media sites, looking for a distraction and fulfilling the last remedy for the day. Patton noticed and offered a fidget cube. Virgil took it with a grateful smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Behold: plot bunnies!!! They shout random bits of plot or ideas.


	23. Tear-Stained Pages

He couldn’t sleep. Rolling over, he noticed the time: almost four in the morning. Sighing, he sat up, running a hand through his hair. Clicking the bedside lamp on, he reached for the piece of paper sitting on the nightstand. 

“Think about the problem as if it has already happened, write the problem or your feelings about it out in a journal, and have someone rub your back.” He read aloud. Groaning, he fell back against the pillows, causing the bed to shake slightly. 

He swung his legs over the side of the bed, moving across the room to the shelves near the window. Crouching, he ran his fingers across the spines of books on the second to lowest shelf. He smiled, thinking of all the memories hidden away in these books. Many of them were sketch books, drawings he’d done when he was feeling upset or needed an outlet for something. Reaching down to the bottom shelf, he found spines of new books, unused, unopened. Ones that had been created for the specific purpose of being written in.

Many of these he had been given by one of the other sides. Remus would give him the ones that hadn’t come out perfect. Roman would make them with Virgil in mind and give him them. Patton would find empty versions of Thomas’ old notebooks and journals and give them to Virgil, thinking he or Logan would be able to make use of them. Logan would give him notebooks for the purpose of cataloging something Virgil thought interesting, which is why he had an entire journal full of moth-man myths and legends and Virgil’s plans to catch him.

Looking over the books, he picked out a soft, leather bound [ book ](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1348994278l/839041.jpg) in a dark purple. The spine was bound in dark blue and the whole thing was tastefully covered in stars. The edges were held in gold brackets, and the book was held shut by a clasp of gold. It was perfect for capturing his most personal thoughts.

Going to his dresser, he picked up the first  [ pen ](https://www.pennstateind.com/mm5/graphics/00000001/PKSKULLAP.jpg) he found, a white swirled with black. The edgings were in a white silver with bone details. The clicker was a skull with rubies as eyes. It was a gift from Remus and it was perfect. 

Sitting cross-legged on his bed, he opened the book and began writing. He wrote about his darkest fears, his most personal thoughts, the things he hoped would come true and the things he begged would not. He wrote until he was crying, putting all his thoughts down on paper and getting them off his chest.

After stashing the journal somewhere no other side would look, he fell asleep, tear tracks still wet.

He woke only a few hours later, feeling like that was the best sleep in his life. It soon became a nightly thing, writing down the thoughts of the day and the fears that came with them. Writing about his fears using past tense made him feel a bit better, as if the threat was no longer there.

He started doing it with things he knew were in the future. He referred to things Thomas had to do as in the past, as if they already happened and could not hurt him or any of the others. He made a note to tell Thomas this one worked.

Later that week, he wasn’t feeling mentally well as the thoughts and shadows crept up around him, winding fingers around his ankles as hands reached for his throat. So, he fled. He ran to the common, taking his music and fidget cube with him. He slipped an ice cube in his mouth on his way out, hoping it would help. It did for a little while, but soon he could see the shadows start to creep from beneath his door, joining the ones in the commons. 

Patton seemed to notice his eyes fixed on the one point because he came over and sat beside the anxious side. “Is everything alright, Kiddo?”

Virgil shook his head before burying it in Patton’s shoulder, needing comfort from another’s touch. Patton cooed as he gathered him close, rubbing his back in soothing motions. It helped and soon, Virgil was asleep in Patton’s arms, both curled up on the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Journaling works. I was doing it long before I found out I have anxiety and it helps so much. It's like venting to someone who won't offer advice or put you down for it. Virgil's experience with it is almost exactly like mine, in case anyone was wondering.


	24. A Long Overdue Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to explicitly state that the content of this chapter is purely head-canon and not actually canon.

Virgil knew it was stupid. He knew there was no reason to think about it, but he did. Sighing, he looked at the sheet of paper on his nightstand before standing with a groan. He walked down to his kitchen, checking the faucet for dripping water, not that it was. He remembered using it earlier for water and, since then, couldn’t help but fret over if he turned the faucet off or not.

He then went into the real world, quietly sneaking around as Thomas was supposed to be asleep. He checked the door, making sure it was locked good and tight. Virgil was never sure for that one. As he turned back around, wanting to sink out on the stairs, he came face to face with Roman.

“What are you doing, Worry Wart?” Roman asked.

Virgil gave him a sneer and a fake laugh. “Ha ha, sword in the stone Wart and worrywart, so funny.”

Roman crossed his arms. “You didn’t answer the question.”

“Just the nightly routine is all.” Virgil fiddled with the sleeve of his hoodie. 

“Is this the first time you’ve done this?”

“No, that’s kind of the point of  _ routine. _ ” Virgil put on his usual blunt persona.

Roman shook his head. “How long has this been going on?”

“That’s none of your business.” He glanced into the kitchen, making sure that the faucet worry was truly his and not Thomas’ fault. “Go back upstairs, Thomas is going to want to dream soon.”

“He’s actually still awake and talking with Logan. That’s why I’m down here, waiting for him to fall asleep. That and I got bored listening to talks of schedules and timetables.”

Virgil smirked. “That’s nice. I’m going back to my room.”

“Wait!” Roman held out a hand, blocking his path to the stairs.

“What do you want now, Princey?” Virgil rolled his eyes on the outside but was itching to get back to his comfort zone on the inside.

“Do you wanna stay and chat for a bit? I could use the company.” He actually seemed hesitant.

Virgil thought it over. “Sure, I guess I can stay for a bit.”

Roman practically squealed as they both moved to sit on the couch. “What do you wanna talk about?”

Virgil shook his head. “Whatever you want.”

Roman looked thoughtful. “I want to talk about you. How have you been lately?”

Virgil was thrown through a loop. Sure, they all said they wanted to know about each other and asked constantly how the others were, but Roman looked different when he said it this time. Normally, he had the smalltalk face, the one that said he was doing this out of obligation and didn’t really care. Now, however, his eyes were softly trained on Virgil, genuinely waiting to hear the response. 

Virgil decided to trust him for once. “Honestly? Not that good. I’ve been dealing with cognitive distortions. I’m dealing with it though.” He hurriedly tacked the last bit on in case Roman was truly asking out of politeness and not curiosity, giving him an out if he wanted to take it.

He didn’t. “How have you been dealing with it?”

Virgil sank into the couch, allowing the back to take his full weight instead of sitting forward. “Like how you found me: finding and checking the source of the worry. It’s two of the tasks I’m doing for the next couple of weeks.”

“What’s the other one? You’ve been doing them in threes for a while now.”

Virgil smiled at Roman’s unusual attentiveness to him. “The third one is to question the thought pattern. Why am I having this thought right now? Is there something that brought it on or is there something else I’m avoiding? Questions like that.”

“You wanna work through some with me?”

Virgil shrugged, tugging his sleeves down to cover his palms. “I was checking the faucet because I couldn’t remember if I left it running when I used it to grab water earlier today. I checked Thomas’ as well in case it was him who left it running and I was the one dealing with the anxiety.”

“And the door?” Roman’s face was soft, eyes never leaving Virgil in a way that told him that he truly cared for the answers and the side sitting beside him.

“I was just checking to see if it was locked. That’s just something I do every night.”

Roman nodded. “Anything else you need to check?”

“I don’t think so. I know Patton dealt with the laundry earlier today and made sure to fold and put away the clothes, Thomas didn’t use the stove today, most drawers are closed after being used so I don’t have to deal with that. Nope, all good.”

Roman looked amazed as Virgil went through his thought process out loud. “Wow, I never knew you went over so many things.”

“Yeah, you guys never seem to take me seriously when I say I think of every possible bad ending.”

Roman nodded, expression turning hesitant. “Virgil, can I ask you something? Nothing bad, just a question.”

Virgil nodded. “Sure, go for it.” He aimed for nonchalance but was unsure if he did it well enough.

“In your room a while ago . . . why were the shadows attacking you?”

Virgil sank back a bit deeper, almost trying to hide in the cushions. “Just like I’m the manifestation of Thomas’ anxiety, sometimes shadows are the physical manifestations of mine. Well, not  _ physical _ per se, but you know what I mean.”

Roman nodded, brow furrowing. Just as he was about to ask another question, Logan walked down the stairs. “We have finished for the night if you want to go to work, Roman.”

Roman nodded. Before he could stand, however, Virgil spoke. “Keep asking if you want to. Thomas can wait.”

Roman looked at him, countenance questioning. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

Virgil shrugged, this time succeeding in looking nonchalant. “Sometimes, it helps to talk about it.”

Roman sat back down, Logan coming to sit on the other corner of the couch. He didn’t say anything, just watched. Roman took another second or so before he spoke up again. “Is that a regular occurrence? The shadows actually attacking you?”

“It’s sort of what happens when either Thomas or I have an anxiety or panic attack.”

Roman nodded, taking that information in before continuing. “I guess I never thought of it that way. I knew your room enhanced your traits but I thought it would be . . . different.”

Virgil smirked. “What did you think it was going to be? Sunshine and rainbows?”

“No, I’m not that naive. I thought it was going to be more a place for brooding. I don’t know what I thought it was going to be. I just know that I didn’t expect the room to attack the owner at the first opportunity.”

“You never truly know how sheltered or privileged you are until you are around people who grew up differently. For me, it’s a normal thing for the room to be volatile toward the owner. As it enhances the sides traits and functions, it’s natural for the room to act as an echo. It spits back my worst fears and darkest troubles. I was a bit shocked to realize that you’re rooms didn’t talk to you at all.”

Logan spoke for the first time since he sat down. “Is that why you run to my room when you are overwhelmed with your thoughts?”

Virgil shrugged for what felt like the hundredth time. “I guess. It also deals with the whole, your room is grounded in reality and logic which are the complete opposites of myself that it helps me calm down.”

Logan nodded, going back to being quiet. Roman scratched the back of his neck. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Virgil was genuinely confused as to why he was apologizing.

“For not even thinking about your thoughts, your feelings. For not realizing that your room actually hurt you. It puts a whole new spin on the choice you made to hide in it a few years ago.”

Virgil rubbed his arm, not wanting to bring that back up. “Yeah. It’s fine on a good day, that’s when they’re quiet. It’s just the bad days I have to worry about. That’s when they do the most damage.”

Roman pulled him into a fierce hug. “I’ll make sure you never have to deal with bad days alone.”

Just as tears prick at Virgil’s eyes, he feels two other pairs of arms wrap around him. One was Logan, a loose hug around the neck. The other was Thomas, who seemed to have come down the stairs during the conversation, his arms were around Virgil and Roman’s middles and held them both close. Virgil almost laughed, glad to have people who cared.


	25. Sherlock Rides At Dusk

Virgil came into the common area, only to see the living room strewn with puzzles, board games, and intricate boxes. Logan was sitting on the floor near the coffee table, reading the back of a box.

“Logan? What’s all this?” Virgil asked as he maneuvered around the boxes, coming to sit next to the Logical side.

Logan looked up at him, the hand holding the box dropping into his lap. “Well, I took the liberty of looking through your book and picking the next remedies.”

Virgil furrowed his brow. “Why would you do that?”

Logan adjusted his glasses. “I thought it would be nice to do some with you. In addition, I thought you could benefit from interacting with others within the parameters of doing your ‘homework’ as you have called it.”

Virgil laughed. “You could have just said you wanted to.”

Logan nodded. “That too.” He clapped and rubbed his hands together. “So, which would you like to start with?”

Virgil looked at the almost overwhelming mess of boxes around them. “I don’t even know what’s here.”

Logan scrambled to get up, grabbing a few boxes and bringing them over. “Well, this one is a detective game. It’s usually played with more than two players but I think we can make it work with just us. This is a puzzle that I thought would be large enough to keep us occupied but not large enough to take up too much time or overwhelm you. And this is a puzzle box.”

Virgil quietly reached out and took the puzzle box. “How does this work?’

Logan picked up a different puzzle box that looked similar. With a few quick movements, the box slid open to reveal a secret compartment with a lollipop. Logan picked up the treat and offered it to Virgil. “I conjured each of these with a treat inside. Some are notes of encouragement, some send you on scavenger hunts, some are candy as this one is, others are movie titles that we can watch now or you can choose to use my time for later.”

Virgil nodded. “Teach me how to open them?”

Logan smiled as he closed his before walking Virgil through the steps of opening them together. Soon, it was clear that Virgil would be having a shelf full of puzzle boxes similar to Logan’s shelf.

They moved on to board games next. First Clue, then Scotland Yard, 221B Baker Street, Jack the Ripper and West End Adventures, Sherlock Holmes: Consulting detective, and Deception: Murder in Hong Kong. Virgil almost had to rage quit for the last one as he couldn’t figure anything out. They had to conjure some of Thomas’ friends to play the last one as it worked better with more players. 

Finally, they moved on to a jigsaw puzzle as quiet music played in the background. The puzzle they chose was a thousand pieces and a rainbow gradient. 

By the end of the evening, Virgil was exhausted but content. He laid back against the ground, arms out amidst the boxes of activities. Logan looked down at him and smiled. “How are you feeling?”

Virgil laughed. “I feel great. It feels like we just ran a 4K and I feel alive!”

Logan laughed, Virgil’s enthusiasm infectious. “Due to us being parts of Thomas’ brain, we did just technically exercise. By doing these activities, we are strengthening and exercising Thomas’ brain.”

Virgil giggled. “You really can’t go long without saying some facts, can you?” Virgil’s tone was playful as he spoke.

Logan shook his head. “I can't, it's figuratively impossible for me.”

Virgil laughed. “We can work on your sarcasm later. For now,” he sat up, moving back over to the coffee table and half-finished puzzle, “let’s finish this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I caved and wrote Logan.


	26. Running

Roman had opened the Imagination up to Virgil, showing him how to use it. Once he figured it out, he found that it was similar to a holodeck from Star Trek. Virgil’s favorite part of it was being able to have presets that he could stumble into the room, shout a number, and it would adapt to the preset. Today had not been a particularly good day and he needed an escape. So, he went to the Imagination. He had his headphones and music blaring. He walked into the room and shouted, “Virgil, one!”

Instantly, the space was transformed into a path through a softly lit forest. Stretching slightly, Virgil allowed himself to feel the ground beneath his feet and smell the air around him. In a minute, he was off. He paced himself, running at a good clip down the path he drowned his thoughts with ear shattering music. He let his senses take over as he lost himself in the actions.

The trees went by in a blur of green and brown. The path stretched endlessly in front of him with twists and curves that kept him guessing where it was going next. He let his feet feel each step they took, feel the air beneath them as he practically flew in between steps. When he got to longer stretches without turns, he would allow himself to close his eyes and focus on the way the wind whipped past him, hood flapping behind him.

As the music picked up, so did his speed. He pushed his limit, shoving himself to go faster and faster as his music got louder and heavier. He very may well have been flying now as he went, leaping over rocks and small streams that crossed the path, ducking under low hanging branches. Before he knew it, he was belting out the lyrics, expending even more energy as he allowed himself to be lost in the feeling of exhaustion.

Eventually, he couldn’t run anymore and laid down on a large flat rock that was placed there for that purpose. He laid there, chest puffing, heart pumping, lungs burning. He could feel the strain in his legs and welcomed the pain. He was grinning, feeling infinitely better after that. 

When he felt like he could stand without looking like a newborn deer, he started walking down the path. He didn’t have a destination in mind, just wandering. He took the time to look at his surroundings, seeing the peaceful forest, the sunlight streaming between the trees, the animals skittering just out of sight. He took off his headphones, allowing them to hang around his neck as he had the music going quietly.

He enjoyed the sound of the birds, the rustling of the grass and leaves, the way the sun hit his face. When he got to a particularly nice spot, he laid down in the sun. Pulling his hood up to pillow his head, he threw an arm over his eyes and relaxed his whole body, allowing it to go limp.

He didn’t know how much time had passed when he was being shaken awake by Roman. “Huh, what?” His arm fell away from his face and he was looking directly up into the prince side’s face.

Roman laughed. “You must have fallen asleep, Lord Nocturnal. Get up, it’s almost dinner time.”


	27. Sounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgil's experience with ASMR in this chapter is based off my own. I have no idea how Thomas himself reacts to it or how Thomas thinks the character would react.  
> TW: spider

Virgil knew this was weird but didn’t care. He folded his weighted blanket up until it was as small as he could get it to be. Then, he set an alarm for a minute from then, the alarm set to vibrate and sound. He had found a soundbite on the internet that he had managed to download: a loudly purring cat. He stuffed his phone into the bottom layer of the blanket sandwich before lying on his bed and putting the whole thing on top of him.

When the alarm went off, the phone started vibrating and purring. That, combined with the weight of the blanket, comforted the anxious side. He found that, if he closed his eyes, he could almost convince himself that an actual cat was sitting on his chest. He didn’t know when, but he must have drifted off beneath the fake cat.

The next thing he knew, Patton was shaking him awake. “Kiddo, dinner’s ready.”

Virgil rubbed his eyes before smiling at the mess on his chest. It was no longer purring or vibrating as his phone had turned off sometime during the nap. “What time is it?”

“It’s half past six.”

Virgil nodded, carefully moving the blanket off and sitting up, taking his phone with him. He wandered out of his room, trailing behind Patton. Patton looked at him as they got to the common area. “What was with the bundle on your chest?”

“Oh, that was for my remedies thing. The remedy was that the purring of cats is supposed to be calming. I looked it up a bit more and couldn’t figure out if it was the sound, vibration, or some combination.” He slid into a seat at the kitchen table. “So, I used both. I think it worked as I relaxed enough to fall asleep.”

“That’s great, bud!” Patton brought out a large bowl of mac-n-cheese. “I thought comfort food would be nice.” He grinned at all the sides gathered in the room.

Logan nodded to Patton as he was handed a plate. “Virgil, may I ask what that was about?”

“Oh, Pat just found me with my weighted blanket crumbled up on my chest with my phone vibrating and playing cat sounds. The cat purring was one of my remedies. I still have to see if Phobia will work as a comfort pet, and if rain falls under ASMR or white noise.”

“Who’s Phobia?” Roman asked as he grabbed a helping.

Virgil rubbed the back of his neck. “My pet spider.”

Patton gasped. “Why do you have a creepy-crawly-death-dealer as a pet?”

“Because I like spiders. Have you not seen my room?”

“I try not to, actually.”

The rest of the meal was eaten in relative silence as Logan talked about his latest subject of interest. After the meal, they all moved to the couch to watch TV. Virgil pulled out his phone and researched ASMR. He learned that it is a way of treating anxiety but it must be done in a passive way when he’s not already anxious. He learned about the way it triggers from the base of the head and spreads to the rest of the body as well as generally just being nice sounds.

Later that night, he tried it for himself. He thought back over what kinds of sounds he likes in his day to day life and one that stood out to him was footsteps, especially ones with shoes on. For some reason, it relaxed him to hear Thomas walking around on the pavement outside. So, he tried that. He found some videos of footsteps on different surfaces and tried those. 

He liked the ones of dress shoes on wood that were always labeled something along the lines of ‘professor’s shoes’. He also liked the ones taken from movies or simulated dungeon ones. There was one type, however, that made him want to throw his headphones across the room. It was sneakers on a forest floor. He wasn’t sure if it was the fact that the mics were attached directly to the shoes or if it was the sound itself but something about it affected his fight-or-flight response. 

Overall, he found the sounds to be calming but he didn’t get the tingling feeling people describe when hearing ASMR. He researched more and found that only about 60% of people get the tingling so he guessed he just wasn’t in that group of people. This didn’t diminish his appreciation of it as he was still able to enjoy the videos and even managed to fall asleep to a library environment.

He did some research on comfort pets and found that it was possible to get a service animal. However, he didn’t feel like it was needed given the place he lived in. Thomas’ anxiety was also not severe enough to warrant one so he left it alone. He found that simply the act of petting an animal is said to calm someone down so he tried that.

Going over to Phobia’s terrarium, he lifted the lid and allowed the tarantula to crawl onto his hand. “Hi, sweet baby.” He cooed.

He carefully walked back to his bed and sat down, running the back of his finger along her fur. He smiled as she chittered at him. He let her crawl along his arm, over his hoodie and settle in the dip between his shoulder and neck. Reaching up, he was careful as he pet her, not wanting to hurt her. He could feel her fur tickling his skin and giggled.

Reaching up, he let her crawl onto his hand so he could hold her again, this time moving his petting down to her legs. He smiled as it did genuinely make him feel better to pet her. Placing her back in her terrarium, he went to sit in the common room. 


	28. Kitchen Day With Dad

Virgil looked up recipes online that he wanted to try before going down to the common kitchen. He let his music play through his headphones as he searched through the cabinets, looking for ingredients. He had half of them on the counter when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning, he saw Patton smiling at him.

He slid his headphones down to his neck, pausing the music. “Yeah, Dad?”

“Just wondered what you’re doing, Kiddo.”

“It’s for the remedies. Some sources said to cook, others said to bake, and more said to clean. I thought I’d cook dinner and dessert and clean up after and see if that did anything.”

Patton’s smile grew. “You want any help? I don’t mind if you play your music while we cook.”

Virgil smiled. “Yeah, Dad. That’d be nice.” He unpaired his headphones and let the playlist go through his phone’s speaker. 

They grabbed the rest of the ingredients before making a mess. Virgil showed Patton what he wanted to make: mini pizzas. Patton showed him how to make home-made dough and pizza sauce. They then set that aside, intending for everyone to make their own pizzas closer to dinner time.

They moved on to the dessert: chocolate cupcakes at Patton’s insistence. Virgil found that it was, indeed, relaxing to whisk the batter within an inch of its life. If more frosting got into their mouths than onto the cupcakes, can they really be blamed?

Virgil insisted he do all the cleaning. Patton sat at the kitchen table, chatting with him and just keeping him company as he wiped down the counters and did the dishes.

When it was a half hour till the usual dinner time, Patton called all the sides to dinner. When they were all there, he explained the Make Your Own Pizza. “You can pick as many or as little toppings as you want but they have to be out of the ones already here. Which means, Remus, that you can’t add any toppings not already on the table.”

Even with that sounding strict, they had already chopped deodorant up into small cubes and slices so he could put them on his pizza if he wanted. He wanted. The rest of the toppings included many types of cheese in shredded and chunks, olive oil as an alternative to the tomato sauce, pepperoni, ham, salami, pineapple, mushrooms, and any other topping that would ever go on a pizza.

Virgil made a pizza with olive oil, mozzarella in chunks, pepperoni, and pineapple. He mainly did the pineapple to hear Roman rant about the abomination it was but he also actually enjoyed the taste.

Logan made a pizza with olive oil, chunked mozzarella, pepperoni, and salami.

Remus used cheddar, deodorant in all the varieties, and pineapple. He cackled when Roman’s volume picked up.

Roman did tomato sauce, shredded mozzarella, and pepperoni.

Patton used tomato sauce, mushrooms, some green peppers, and salami.

Janus used olive oil, ham, mushrooms, pepperoni, and mozzarella.

They put them all in the oven and went to pick out a movie to watch while they ate. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hawaiian pizza is my favorite and I will fight you on this, Roman.  
> Olive oil instead of sauce is an Italian thing, as is the chunks thrown onto the pizza, and it's delicious.


	29. Anxiety's Room

Virgil fell asleep on the couch again. He hadn’t meant to, but it had happened. Waking up, he stumbled to the bathroom to wash his face. However, his aim was slightly to the side and he managed to go to what he had always thought was the coat closet. 

When he pulled the door open, he was wide awake in a second. He stepped warily into the room, looking around as he went. The space was larger than he thought it was as he had always assumed it was just the coat closet. As it was clearly his ‘storage area’ it was smaller than he thought it would be.

The room was a hexagon, each wall a different color. They all had similar floating shelves lining them, jars sitting on those shelves. Each wall matched the side associated with a known side: indigo, red, blue, green, yellow, and rainbow. He assumed the rainbow was Thomas. Looking around, he didn’t see a wall for himself.

He wouldn’t have noticed his own unless he hadn’t almost stepped in it. Looking down, he found a black puddle on the ground. It was shiny and looked sticky. He stepped back and watched it. After a few minutes, a shadow slowly rose from the sticky puddle in the center of the room. It hissed, “You’ll never be ‘light’ enough for them,” at him before sweeping out the door and going to take up residence in some corner of his room. He nodded, expecting nothing less.

Walking up to the closest wall, Roman’s based on the red color, he read the neat labels on the jar.  _ Stage Fright _ read one.  _ Forgotten Lines _ read another.  _ Damaged _ still another read. This last one was on a lower shelf, implying they had some form of organization.

Moving to Remus’ next to him, he looked at the jars. They were placed haphazardly on the shelves, as if the person shelving couldn’t care less.  _ Never Accepted _ read a jar.  _ NO NEW IDEAS _ another said, practically shouting.  _ Not Bad Enough/ Too Bad _ the third one he looked at said.

Going down the line, he went to Janus next.  _ Unprotected Thomas, Burn Out, Virgil Leaving. _ Virgil pulled back at the last one. Why would Janus be worried about his leaving? Looking back at the jar, it was an older one, farther back in the shelves and covered in dust. It was a fear that was realized. 

He got to blue next. Patton. Looking at the jars, three stood out amongst the rest:  _ Misleading Thomas, Hurting Everyone,  _ and  _ Spiders. _ The last one was expected of Patton but he might have to talk to the other side about the first two.

Moving right along, he got to Logan’s next. These jars were all in neat rows seeming to be categorized by type of fear.  _ Losing Knowledge _ was on the top row.  _ Losing Thomas’ Trust _ was on the bottom row as if it were trying to hide.  _ Expressing Emotions _ was in the middle at eye level. It seemed to be the most superficial of them all, almost as if it were trying to hide the other two from sight like a red herring.

He got to Thomas’ section and he almost stopped. He thought he knew Thomas’ worst fears and greatest worries, thought he knew all the ways he could keep him up at night, to grind him down to dust. But looking over some of these labels, many he hadn’t even thought about. Yes,  _ Losing Friends _ was there, but there were also  _ Disappointing/ Failing Sides, Falling Short, Never Finding Love, Never Getting A Big Break, _ and a million others. Thomas’ was the only one that had the jars lined as tight as they could and three deep.

Picking one up, he found the substance inside moved. The one thing all the walls and sections had in common was the contents of the jars. They all seemed to be inky black blobs. When he picked one up, however, that thought changed. The substance moved. Not in a liquid, sloshing movement. Not in a gaseous movement. In the movement only a solid could do. The inky blackness gave way to piercing red eyes and white fangs, dripping with unknown venom. The thing inside all the jars was everyone’s personal shadows.

He carefully put the jar back before leaving the room, another shadow rising from the center puddle to follow him out. He got some food and a shower before going back to the room, classical music playing from his phone to help calm him. 

He hummed along to the music as he moved around, looking at each jar individually. Eventually, he heard a knock at his room door. He made sure the storage room was closed before opening the main door. “Yep?”

To his surprise, Thomas was the one standing there. “Hey.” He said, giving a two fingered salute.

Virgil nodded back. “What are you doing in here? Normally, if you want to talk to us you summon us.”

Thomas nodded, hands in his pockets. “Well, Logan mentioned you hadn’t come out all day and wanted me to come check on you. Also, we were supposed to have our monthly What Works session today. I thought I’d hit two birds with one stone and just some see you.”

Virgil nodded. He left the door open and moved away. “I’d tell ya to make yourself at home but that seems kinda redundant.”

Thomas laughed as he made his way into the space, putting his shoes by the entrance and curling up on the couch. Virgil moved into the kitchen to turn down the music. “You want anything?”

Thomas waved his hands. “I don’t think it would actually count to eat anything in here.”

Virgil shrugged, “Suit yourself,” before grabbing a leftover cupcake from his most recent batch. He sat cross legged on the couch. “Anything you wanna talk about in particular?” He asked. While Thomas talked, he ate his cupcake in a way that Patton would have laughed at and tried while Roman would have been horrified. He carefully tore the cupcake in half horizontally before inverting the bottom and sticking it on top of the icing before eating like a sandwich.

Thomas paused mid sentence to watch him. “Do you like it like that?” He asked.

Virgil nodded. “It allows you to eat equal parts frosting and cake at once instead of the usual method of eating one before the other. It’s a more cohesive flavor.”

Thomas just nodded and kept talking, leaving his side to eat in peace. When Virgil got up to throw his wrapper away, a shadow popped up to block his path. Virgil tried to step around it but it wouldn’t let him. So, he just gave up and walked through. It wasn’t the worst experience, just a small sinking in his chest that was unpleasant. When he turned around, he found that Thomas had seen the whole exchange. 

“Is it always like that?” Thomas asked quietly.

Virgil shrugged. “Sometimes they don’t let me pass through. Logan’s helping me dissipate them faster, though.”

Thomas nodded. “What’s it like?”

“You might wanna be more specific there, buddy.”

“What’s passing through the shadows like? What’s it like to have them touch you? What’s it like to have to dissipate them? Why did I not see the shadows the last time I was here?”

Virgil sat back down on the couch, drawing his knees to his chest. “The last is the easiest to answer: I forced them away. You saw them in the corners and areas but I didn’t allow them to show their true nature.”

“Did it hurt?’

Virgil had never really thought about it. “It didn’t hurt in the conventional sense. Not in the way it would hurt to lift something heavy or shut a packed closet. It was different. It’s a hurt I’m used to, one I barely notice at this point.”

Thomas nodded. “Are you willing to answer the other questions?”

“The shadows are cold. When they pass through you it’s like you stepped into the shade after being in direct sunlight. When they touch you, it’s like you experience snow for the first time by being dumped in it. To dissipate them takes some concentration and a lot of energy but it’s rewarding to know they are gone for a while.”

Thomas nodded, looking like he wanted to take notes. Virgil almost smiled as he had seen the same look on Logan’s face while discussing similar topics and on Roman’s while watching something as a group. “Are you doing alright with everything?”

“The shadows are nothing new, you don’t have to worry about me.” 

Now that he was aware of his storage room, he could feel another jar being added to Thomas’ shelf. He felt the shadow rise from the puddle but quickly get shoved into a jar, looking almost like the slime thing that’s all the craze nowadays. He jolted, almost moving into the room to check it out.

Thomas noticed his behavior and moved to crouch in front of Virgil, one hand on the side’s foot. “Verge, talk to me.” 

Virgil looked down at Thomas and smiled. “I’m fine. I just had a thought. How about we go back to the real world and spend some time watching horror? You don’t want to stay in my room for too long. Bad things could happen.”

Thomas nodded and took Virgil’s hand as they both sank out and reappeared on his real couch. He wasn’t entirely sure that Virgil was telling the truth but he knew better than to push it. Instead, he settled onto the couch and pulled him into his arms, cuddling him while searching a movie they hadn’t seen yet.


	30. Count Woe-laf

Virgil started with tapping on his leg. He did it when he was uncomfortable or when the anxious thoughts were bad. Sometimes, he could almost feel the shadow’s hands around his neck even when there were no shadows around and he was in the common room. That was when he would tap on his leg, counting the taps until he got to ten, taking a deep breath every five. It helped calm him.

He then tried to incorporate the other remedy: counting in multiple languages at once. “One, dos, set, quatre, itsu, shest, septum, okto, tish’a, shi.” He enjoyed using as many different languages as possible as it forced him to have to think about switching languages and picking which language came next. 

Roman seemed to notice that he was doing that and pulled him aside. “Hey, if you need to count out loud, it’s fine.”

“What do you mean? I’m not counting.”

“I see you tapping your fingers on your leg and mouthing words. If you need to verbalize them, I’m sure none of us are going to mind. And if anyone does mind, they can die by my sword.” He put a hand on his ever present katana.

Virgil rubbed his wrist, a nervous tick. “Thanks.”

Roman nodded and moved off, going to talk to Patton about lunch. 

So, Virgil started counting out loud. Still quietly, under his breath, but it felt better than just mouthing the words. He got some strange looks from Remus and Janus but Patton just patted his hand and scooted closer when it happened.

The next person to confront Virgil on the counting was Logan. “Virgil, what are you saying whenever you’re muttering under your breath? It always seems to be the same thing.”

“It’s counting. One through ten in English, Spanish, Korean, French, Japanese, Russian, Latin, Greek, Hebrew, and Chinese. Sometimes, I’ll go to twenty if needed but I only do that in English.”

“Fascinating. Did you learn all the languages or just the numbers?”

“Just the numbers. I don’t think I would be able to learn the whole language.”

Logan nodded, fingers twitching as he moved away. Virgil smiled as he watched the logical side most likely search out a pad of paper and a pencil. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact! The counting to ten and tapping on the leg is something I used to do to help with my anxiety. Used to being the key words. For some reason, they both turned into triggers for the anxiety. I now can't stand to have my legs touched and don't like counting for the sake of counting.


	31. Patton Tries to Help

The book was reaching the end as Virgil came closer to using the last remedies. Patton gave the suggestion to go down to two instead of the usual three to help them last longer. Virgil’s reaction to that was to have Patton pick them. When he got the book and paper back, he almost groaned.

“Really?” 

Patton just grinned at him. “You need some positivity in your life!” He patted Virgil on the shoulder and sent him along.

Virgil looked down at the paper and remedies on it, wondering if they were even going to work. “Why would imagining a trex making a bed prevent me from having anxiety? How am I supposed to feel better after whispering ‘beep boop’ continuously?” He groaned aloud to his room. 

Nevertheless, he tried it. The next time he felt like he was panicking over nothing, he thought about a trex trying to make a bed. The conscious decision to think of that particular image got his mind off the worry and the image itself helped him come back to reality. It’s as Patton said, how can you be sad with that image in your head. 

Many times, the image of short arms fighting a big head to put a fitted sheet over a corner was so funny to Virgil that he would laugh aloud. This granted him some very weird looks from the other sides who just saw him burst into random giggles. Especially when they were watching movies and he laughed at a sad part. That got him the weirdest looks from Roman but Remus just laughed along with him. 

The next remedy felt weird to begin with. He never knew how self conscious it would feel to whisper to himself in front of the others. Eventually, he got the hang of it and felt better about whispering in general. It was still hard to whisper “Beep boop” in front of the others as it ruined his image but he was managing.

He found that it turned into a sort of code for himself and Patton. If he went up to him and said, “Beep boop” it generally meant that Virgil was very close to a mental breakdown. At this point, Patton would manage to either get him some chocolate, or give him a hug and rub his back.


	32. Orion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update because I felt like doing one.

Virgil was getting more wound up as time went on. He could feel the way his shoulders slipped back into his familiar hunch as he tried to make himself as small as possible. He noticed the way he flinched more often at slammed cabinets and heavy footsteps. He didn’t think any of the others noticed the way he sat just a bit further from them on the couch than usual.

He was wrong. Logan came to check up on him later that night when everyone but them and Remus, who was wreaking havoc upon the Imagination, were awake. A knock sounded at Virgil’s door and he rolled off the couch, emitting a soft thump as he fell. He brushed himself off as he opened the door, head tucked into his hood. “Yeah?” His voice was soft, not having the energy for his usual front. 

Logan stood there, his tie loosened and hanging off his neck, collar unbuttoned. “I observed you having a harder time than usual today and thought it would be prudent to ask if you wanted to relax with me?”

Virgil just stared at him for a second as the words processed. “Sure,” he replied after a while. “Give me a minute.” He left the door open in a silent invitation as he went upstairs to grab his headphones and phone just in case. He also picked up the book of fairytales Logan had loaned him a few weeks ago.

When he came back, Logan was leaning against the arch leading to the kitchen, looking like the architecture was the only thing keeping him upright in that moment. Virgil smiled. “You look even more exhausted than I feel.”

Logan stood up straight, running a hand through his hair and messing it up. “Sorry, it’s been a long day.”

“Hey, you don’t gotta apologize to me. I understand having hard days.” They chatted as they walked.

Soon, Virgil noticed they weren’t going to Logan’s room. He didn’t comment on it as he didn’t have the energy to do so. They turned toward Roman’s side of the Imagination and Virgil understood that Logan had the same type of ‘presets’ as he did. “What are we doing over here?” He asked out of curiosity.

Logan glanced at him. “I thought we might go stargazing. Is that alright?”

“Yeah, that’s more than alright.” Virgil smiled.

They arrived at the Imagination and Logan calmly stated, “Logan, four.” 

The area around them transformed from the blank, white canvas. The color radiated from Logan’s foot, spreading outward and painting the canvas with dark greens and browns. As it went higher, blues and blacks began appearing before spreading into a night sky. The stars appeared after the sky was complete. In a matter of minutes, the pair of sides were standing at the bottom of a large hill, a blanket spread at the top. They were surrounded by trees and cut off from the rest of civilization and any light pollution that came with it.

Virgil looked around at where they were. “Wow, how did you come up with this area?”

“I had Roman make it for me. He described it as the ‘most perfect stargazing spot to ever exist.’”

Virgil laughed. “Sounds like him. Did we have to start at the bottom, though? I’m almost too tired to walk all the way to the top.”

Logan chuckled. “It was my idea to start at the bottom of the hill. I think it allows for a greater appreciation of the surroundings as well as allows one to feel like they accomplished something by getting to the top. It is not necessary and you can just go to the top if you want. I’m walking up.”

Virgil didn’t say anything else but started to climb along with Logan. It turned out to be a much shorter climb than he thought it would be and they were at the top in no time at all. They laid down on the blanket and looked up at the night sky, Orion prominent amongst the rest. 

They stayed like that, silent in wonder as they gazed upon the infinite galaxies spread out. Virgil reached a hand up, feeling as if he could brush his fingertips over the stars. His hand slowly went back down but his eyes never left the sky.

“I feel calmer.” He broke the silence. “I know I should feel overwhelmed, but I don’t. It’s like, I know I should feel insignificant, and I do. Just, not in the right way. The insignificance is calming, as if I can’t mess up in the eyes of the stars because they don’t care about me.”

Logan turned his head to look at him. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Just calm in the feeling of anonymity. I’m fine.”

“Okay, then.” 

The next morning, Roman found them both still on that hill. He backed as quietly as he could out of the room, not wanting to wake the sleeping sides. Patton didn’t come get them until closer to noon. Thomas slept in that day as well. 


	33. Cinnamon gum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not realize how many ways I could misspell cinnamon.

Virgil tried almost every kind of cinnamon flavored thing in existence. He liked the weight of the fireballs, the way they sat in his mouth with a comforting burning. He liked the red hots and how the taste lingered long after the candy was gone. 

His favorite thing was the cinnamon gum. It was the repetitive action of chewing that gave him something to focus on and ground himself with. It combined with the burning of his tongue as he chewed the gum. 

It wasn’t long before the others caught onto the new fixation of cinnamon. Suddenly, Patton was offering cinnamon sticks and making cookies decorated with red hots.

Roman would toss him a fireball when he saw him getting too wound up.

Remus would toss him some cinnamon flavored body part like a finger or something. Virgil accepted the fingers for what they were: cinnamon flavored tokens of affection in the only language Remus knew.

Virgil would find small heart shaped jelly beans in his pockets. No one ever said who they were from but he knew Janus was the cause.

Logan would offer him sticks of gum if Virgil ever wandered into his realm.

Thomas was the most observant one of the group and would always have a bowl of cinnamon or mint flavored candies and chocolate on the coffee table. He also was the first to throw a piece of anything from the bowl at Virgil the second he seemed to be on the road to a mental breakdown. Or, anytime he came into the room. 

During family movie nights, Thomas was generally the one who noticed when Virgil was getting overstimulated first. At those points, he would ask Virgil to get something from another room. This allowed him to be away from the stimulation for a bit and calm down. The object normally fetched was a blanket or something similar that Thomas would then pull Virgil under with him and keep him close as he silently offered a cinnamon jawbreaker for Virgil to work on.


	34. Visions of Killer Shadows Dancing in Your Head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alternate title is: I Started Making It, Had Writer's Block, Enjoy.

Blowing on his thumb felt weird at first. He didn’t really understand why it was supposed to work but Logan had said something about it lowering blood pressure and heart rate. After a while of habitually blowing on the pad of his thumb when he got stressed, he admitted it did feel calming.

The other remedy was not as subtle, as much as he wanted it to be. He wanted to keep a low profile and not have the others worry that he was worrying too much. Shaking his head, he tried to dispel those thoughts before they went into a never ending spiral.

He shut his eyes, trying to listen for three things he could hear. That wasn’t that difficult to do during movie night. He silently listed them off to himself: the movie, Roman’s critiquing, Patton’s giggling.

Now, three things he could see listed as silently as before. The sides around him, the blinds, the shadows looming in the corners that were just waiting to swallow him whole. 

Now, move three body parts. He softly shook his head as he tried to get the thought of killer shadows out of his head. He was in the real world, sitting on a real couch, near a real person. The shadows were back in his room and couldn’t get to him. 

He rotated his ankle. Liking the feeling, he did it again, even as he also rotated his wrist to move the last body part.

He definitely felt better after that but decided to stick with the senses countdown grounding that Logan taught him.


	35. Death to Dandelions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Chapter 26: Running for the description of how I use the Imagination.

Virgil went into the Imagination with a Bluetooth speaker in hand. He didn’t feel like shouting, so he just muttered, “Thomas, four.”

The landscape changed from the normal blank canvas of white to a small garden spread out. It was situated behind a house in a small recreation of a neighborhood. There weren’t any characters living in the neighborhood at the moment but they could be added in relatively easily if any of the other sides wanted someone to talk to or something. Virgil was fine without the fake human contact.

He grabbed the apron draped over the fence and put it on, making sure all his tools were in the right pockets. As the world was open to anyone who wanted to use it, he never knew if Patton came in to blow off some steam and forgot to put the tools back. 

He placed the speaker on the porch, turning on some calming music before slipping the phone into a pocket. He hummed and swayed as he puttered around the little world, watering the plants and checking leaves. This was a pretty delicate and intricate world as Roman had managed to make it keep going even when shut down. This means that the plants could die if they weren’t tended by someone throughout the week. This also means that it was one of the few ones that all the sides shared, thus technically making it one of Thomas’ most vivid daydreams.

The poor human would never know why he so desperately wants a garden in a small mountain town.

Looking through the beds, he took out his trowel and helped separate root systems. He needed to take a few plants out of one bed and move them to another for more room. He trimmed some stems and pruned some branches. Finally, he attacked the weeds that littered the beds.

No matter how long he spent getting rid of the weeds in both the beds and the whole backyard in general, they kept popping up. He would have to ask Patton if he was deliberately planting Dandelions and if he knows that’s the weeds Virgil was trying to keep  _ out _ of the garden.

Moving to a small corner that got the most shade, he put on gloves and carefully tended the poisonous plants he kept there. He didn’t use them for anything but it was fun to pretend to be a witch.

Once that was done, he went and looked over Logan’s plants, making sure to take the weeds out of it as well. 

He finally stood back and observed the garden as a whole. Hands on his hips, sweat dripping into his eye, he felt content. Like he had finally managed to get out his anxious energy into something productive.

Turning, he went into the house and up to the master bedroom. He took a shower, turning the water as hot as he could stand and stood there as he felt the knots in his neck and shoulders relax finally. He stood there for as long as he could before turning it as cold as he could and washing himself off.

He finished and changed into soft clothing. His hoodie was still thrown over his shoulders but he was using a plain gray tee and soft sweat pants instead of the usual.

Going out of the Imagination, he saved the progress and dismissed it, letting the area settle back into the blank canvas. Only, it wasn’t entirely a blank canvas as vague ideas and thoughts bumped against the walls like the DVD waiting screen. 

He walked into the common room, still towel drying his hair, and grabbed a snack. Sitting on the floor in front of Patton, who was sitting on the couch reading, he held the towel out. Patton took the silent invitation and gently dried his hair. 

“What were you doing that caused you to need to dry your hair?” Patton chuckled.

Virgil smiled. “I was tending the garden. Speaking of, do you keep planting the dandelions?”

“The small, cute, yellow flowers? Yes, why?”

Virgil shook his head, sending water flying. “I keep trying to get rid of those. They’re  _ weeds _ , Dad. They hurt the other flowers and vegetables you keep growing.”

“Oh.” Patton’s hands stilled. “I didn’t realize.”

Virgil turned to look at him. “Later, we can find some other flowers to plant instead, okay?”

Patton nodded, smiling, and returned to playing with Virgil’s hair. They both enjoyed the quiet and content moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hot showers relax your muscles while cold showers provide a 'good stress' so to say.


	36. Self Help Book

Virgil had to make a conscious effort for these next remedies. He started with the quasi continuation of a previous one: writing both the good and bad feelings in the journal. He pulled it out from its hiding spot and ran a hand down the cover. Picking up the pen he only used for this, he began writing. This time, he recorded every feeling he’d experienced throughout his day. 

He wrote about the fuzzy feeling in his chest when Patton gave him chocolate milk at breakfast to help start his day, the burning pain in his lungs he had come to associate with fear of rejection when they were brainstorming. He told the journal about the feeling of being protected and safe when Logan asked how he was doing, about the swelling of tears behind his eyes when Roman asked his opinion on the project.

He wrote about everything he could think of, and then wrote some more. He wrote about how he was feeling overall about the day and how he was feeling in that moment. He wrote about the week and how he was feeling. He made sure to mark down which remedies worked best not only for him but how he thought Thomas would take to them.

The other remedy was a bit harder to do. He had to separate himself from the negative emotions to properly process them. Whenever he was feeling upset, whether that be sad or anxious or angry or anything like that, he was to think  _ I am feeling this emotion _ instead of  _ I am this emotion _ . So for anxious, he was supposed to tell himself he was  _ feeling _ anxious, not that he  _ was _ anxious. That felt like it was a bit hard to do when he was the embodiment of anxiety. 

He found himself zoning out in times like this. He would stare off into space, feeling like he was floating. He would look around but not feel like he was moving his head, like he wasn’t in his body. That was ridiculous, of course, as he technically didn’t  _ have _ a body to be detached from.

At the end of the second week, Logan approached Virgil during one of these moments. He would later describe Virgil’s eyes as being glassy and unfocused, like he was seeing a different plane of existence than everyone else was. He waved his hand in front of Virgil’s face and his eyes snapped back into focus, the anxious side audibly gasping.

“Logan? Did you need something?”

“You’re acting strange, Virgil. I think we need to speak to Thomas about this.”

Virgil shook his head. “I don’t know why you want us to talk to him. I’m feeling fine.”

“You may say that but the evidence points to you being anything but fine.”’

“The evidence?” Virgil raised an eyebrow, daring Logan to say what it was.

Logan rose to the silent challenge. “You are staring out into empty space more than usual, you are jumpy, you’re not listening as much. Just now, your eyes were glassy and it’s not the first time that’s happened. There is something wrong and I will drag you to Thomas if need be.”

Virgil sighed, giving up a fight he knew he wouldn’t win. “Can I at least grab my fidget cube first?”

“Of course. I’ll be waiting with Thomas.” He sank out.

Virgil followed, stopping in his room just long enough to grab his cube and check The Door as he had come to call the door leading to his storage closet, making sure it was locked. Closing his eyes, he checked where Thomas and Logan were in the real world. Sinking out, he appeared on the couch facing toward Thomas, legs crossed beneath him and fingers already pressing the buttons on his cube.

Thomas was already sitting nearest the stairs on the couch. Logan was standing behind it near the dining table, leaning on the back of the couch with his forearms resting on it. 

“What did you want to see me about?” Virgil asked, trying to sound nonchalant even as his fingers pressed the buttons with more force than was strictly necessary.

Thomas sighed. “That’s what I wanted to ask you. Logan simply said there was a problem. I thought we agreed to talk about things?” His eyes looked sad and the set of his mouth let him know he was disappointed in him. He got that look enough from Patton when he realized Virgil wasn’t sleeping properly, he didn’t need it from Thomas too.

He sighed, fingers moving to spin the dials on another side of the cube. The fingers of his other hand ran through his hair, pulling the strands taunt. “I thought we were too! I was just trying out a new remedy, I don’t know why everyone is so worried.”

Logan sighed. “Virgil, what is the new remedy?”

“To distance yourself from negative emotions to properly deal with them.”

“And how have you been doing that? How were you told to do that?”

“That’s the same answer. To recognise that I am feeling the negative emotions and not think of them as one in the same with myself. To see it as feeling the emotion rather than being the emotion.”

Logan sighed, taking his glasses off to rub his nose bridge. “Virgil, I need you to cease using that one. If you must continue using it, see it as Thomas feeling the emotion rather than Thomas being the emotion.”

“How is that different from me doing it?”

“The difference is that you are the embodiment of the emotion and are dissociating while Thomas is a whole person who can handle the distancing without literally tearing himself apart at the figurative seams.” His voice rose slightly at the end, likely due to frustration.

Virgil nodded. “Okay, so I’ll disregard this one. How will it affect me if Thomas decides to use this one?”

Thomas looked between the two. “I had the same question. How would that work?”

Logan nodded. “That is a valid question. I don’t know the exact answer to that. However, the most logical answer is nothing.”

“How so?” Thomas asked, brow furrowed.

“Well, as we have already, within reason, stop associating your emotions with yourself by giving them physical form within Patton and Virgil, it would make sense that they would simply carry on with how they were acting before. They would carry the brunt of the emotions and you would be able to take a step back and see how they react to it before reacting yourself.”

Thomas nodded. “So, I’m technically already using this remedy?”

“Yes, that would be correct.”

With that conversation out of the way, Thomas decided he needed to spend some time with just the left brain sides so he invited both of them for dinner and a movie night. Virgil got to pick the food and Logan got to pick the first movie, Thomas picking the second. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am in no way an expert on dissociation. As Virgil is the corporeal manifestation of Thomas’ anxiety, I have chosen to represent the remedy this way. The remedy’s intended effect would be had on Thomas, someone who is multifaceted and is not the emotion he is distancing himself from. I hope this came clearly through the chapter but just in case I decided to include this note as well. See chapter 23 for the journal description.


	37. Sci Fi and Stabbing.

Virgil was looking at his phone, wondering which one to start with. He had the options of cross-stitching, crochet, knitting, or making friendship bracelets. He had no idea how to do any of them and was kind of intimidated by them. Feeling someone lean over the back of the couch behind him, he looked up to find Patton hovering. 

“Can I help you?” He asked.

Patton smiled, hand moving to pet Virgil’s hair. “I know how to knit, maybe I can help you?”

“You know how to knit?” Virgil asked, disbelief in his voice.

Patton nodded, hand still carding through Virgil’s hair. “I think Roman knows how to cross stitch. Unless that was just embroider. I’ll ask him later.”

“Okay. How have I never known this?”

Patton shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess it just never came up. Oh! Logan knows how to crochet, I think.”

Remus walked into the room, underwear on his head like a helmet. “What are we talking about?”

“Virgil is wanting to get into crafting with yarn or thread.”

“Oh! I make a mean friendship bracelet if you wanna learn from me.”

Virgil stared at him, eyes wide. “You make friendship bracelets?”

“Yeah. Most of them go to Janus. I can teach you how to do it.”

Patton perked up and bounded over. “I’d be willing to learn! I’m always looking for ways to show appreciation for my friends!”

Remus laughed, looking like he was going to pat Patton on the head but instead took a bite of his deodorant. “I’ll show you both later.” He walked off, still chewing.

Virgil shook his head. Later that night, the common room was filled with yarn and thread of every color as well as pieces of fabric Roman claimed were useful and various hoops, hooks, needles of both kinds, and safety pins for some reason. He sighed. “What’s all this?”

Roman popped up from in front of the couch. “We all thought it’d be fun to craft together! Come see!” 

Reluctantly, Virgil came to sit on the couch, surveying the mass of color sitting on the coffee table. “So, what is all this?”

Roman picked up something. “This is a skein of yarn, Patton and Logan use it for knitting and crochet respectively.” He put that down and picked up a thinner bundle. “This is floss. Remus and I use it for friendship bracelets, cross stitching, and embroidery.” He picked up a few more items and identified them as hoops for the embroidery and cross stitching, the safety pins were for friendship bracelets that Remus would get more into detail with, the large metal needles were for knitting while the tiny ones were for Roman’s crafts, and the hooks were for crochet.

At the end of the spiel, he asked, “Any questions?”

“Just one. Why?”

“Well, it’s nice. For me, it helps me keep my hands busy while I think or watch something. Logan says it's to help his cognitive functions and to keep his hand eye coordination sharp. Patton likes to make things for people and knitting is an easy way of doing that. I have no idea why Remus makes friendship bracelets.”

The side in question popped up from behind the couch. “Because it’s fun! It’s also unexpected by you guys so it’s amusing.”

He moved to sit next to Virgil, picking up a safety pin and multiple bundles of floss. Virgil noticed he was in normal clothes, sweatpants and a tee shirt, instead of his usual clothing. “Pick a few colors. Depending on the pattern, the more the merrier.” 

He then took the time to show Virgil how to make a loop with the chosen groups of colors, safety pinning them to his sweatpants, and how to do three designs with them. By the time they were done, they had about six bracelets started between them. None of the patterns were too complicated and, once he had it down, Virgil found that he could look away for brief periods of time while his hands still moved. 

Next, Roman pulled him down to the ground and asked if he wanted to learn embroidery or cross-stitching first. He spent the next half hour showing him how to read the patterns and doing different stitches for both. Virgil liked it as it gave him a set pattern to go with and the back and forth motion of going line by line made him feel like he was getting a lot done quickly.

When Logan came in to wait for dinner, he saw all the yarn and got distracted. Once it was explained what was going on, he sat next to Virgil and taught him about crocheting and its versatility. He talked about all the projects one could accomplish with crochet and the stress relieving factor it had. After a bit of deliberation, Virgil decided to have Logan teach him how to make an amigurumi, a crocheted animal. Of course, he went for a spider. Remus leaned over his shoulder, asking if he could learn how to make an octopus. Logan obliged.

Patton sat down and taught Virgil, and Roman, how to make simple things out of knitting. He also offered to make leg warmers for Phobia. Virgil let him simply because of the happy smile on Patton’s face keeping him from saying no. 

He helped Patton with making dinner and the table conversation was all about the different projects they were all now working on. Once dinner was over and Remus had loaded the dishwasher, the conversation turned to what to watch for the night. Virgil suggested Star Trek and Roman and Logan argued about which series to watch. Roman wanted Next Generation while Logan wanted to start with Enterprise. Patton shut them both up by putting on Voyager instead.

They all sat down with their respective projects, Virgil working on the already started friendship bracelets before they were abandoned in favor of being sucked into the episodes. 

Thomas had no idea why he was feeling nostalgic for Star Trek: Voyager for weeks after as the sides binged their way through the whole thing, Roman and Virgil getting into multiple arguments over ships and favorite characters. 


	38. Down the Rabbit Hole

Virgil typed rapidly on his phone before his eyes grew wide, empty hand spazzing out to the side. Logan raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment as Virgil sank deeper into the couch and seemed consumed by what he was looking at. Patton stood and walked over, putting a hand on Virgil’s shoulder.

Virgil looked up, eyes still wide. “Yeah, Pat? You need something?”

“What’s got you so excited, storm cloud?”

Virgil looked back at his phone and read something off. “‘The Garfield memorial dominates the grounds with its observation deck and lower-level crypt for the president and first lady’s side-by-side coffins. But the most stunning feature is the grave marker for canning businessman Francis Haserot, with its life-size bronze statue of “The Angel of Death Victorious.” Grasping an extinguished torch upside down to symbolize a snuffed-out life, Haserot’s Angel appears to be crying black tears, her face forever streaked in sorrow.’”

Logan looked up from the book he was reading. “Wow. What’s that from?”

Virgil scrolled up a bit on his phone. “America’s Scariest Places. Haunted, Creepy, Abandoned. It’s this really cool magazine about creepy and haunted places.”

Patton looked a bit concerned but Remus piped up from the other side of the TV. “Does it have the flooded cemetery?”

Virgil nodded. “It does!” Seeing Logan’s confused expression, he elaborated. “The Precious Blood Cemetery flooded in 1955. It was so bad that over 50 coffins were uprooted and floated in the water, some going out to sea and being lost. The ones that were recovered were transferred to new caskets and reburied. It is said that some people might not be in their correct grave and their souls wander, looking for it.” his voice went faster than he normally talked as he was genuinely excited about this.

Logan nodded. “That would be a source of interest. Is this related to your remedies?”

Virgil nodded. “Yep! I was told to use the internet as a distraction and find a hobby or subject of interest. So, I’m doing that.”

Patton nodded in understanding as he went back to his knitting project. Logan marked his place in the book and put it down, moving over to sit next to Virgil. “Tell me more, then.”

So, Virgil spent the rest of the evening telling Logan about all the cool things he found in the magazine. Remus would shout questions from across the room and genuinely seemed curious as to the answer. Virgil would answer as best he could, even if that meant he had to look it up. 

Roman sat off to the side, watching the chaos. He smiled, happy to see Virgil feeling free to share his interests with the rest of the sides without fear of backlash or disgust. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an actual magazine that I own a copy of. I got it for a road trip and had to have it forced out of my hands, I was so engaged in it i would try to read by the streetlights when the sun went down.


	39. Existential Exponents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has nothing to do with exponents but it is a long one because I got carried away.

Patton poured the last of the juice into a glass. “Hey, add juice to the shopping list.”

Logan looked up. “Did you  _ just _ use the last of it?”

“Maybe?” He drank from the glass.

Vigil snorted out a laugh from the couch. “Just add it to the list, you know Thomas needs more anyways.”

“We can’t be consuming our resources too quickly. You know we only get-”

“Only get a restock when Thomas goes shopping. I know.” He stood, stretching. Moving to the door, he put his shoes on. “That’s why he’s going shopping today. Hand me the list.”

Logan reluctantly handed the shopping list to Virgil. “Are you going to deliver it to Thomas?”

“No, I’m going to compare our lists to see if they match. He’s also given me permission to go with him.”

Logan tilted his head. “But we are not real. We are also parts of Thomas, meaning that we all have to go, no matter what.”

Virgil waved a hand. “You know what I mean.”

“Yes, you get to be the main manifestation during the trip. Please, don’t do too much impulse buying.”

“We won’t.” He sank out, appearing by the front door in Thomas’ apartment. “You ready to go?”

Thomas held out a hand. “Let me see the list.” He compared the two, using his knee as a table to write in one or two things he missed. “Did we use all the marshmallows?” 

“Yep. You made the last s’more last night.”

“That’s right.” He added it to the list. “Well, I think we’re ready.” 

They drove to the grocery store, Virgil getting a bit jittery but also excited. He had never done it outside of Thomas’ head like this before. Thomas put a comforting hand on Virgil’s bouncing knee. “It’ll be fine. What are this week's remedies?” 

Virgil nodded, grateful for the distraction. “Uh, reminding myself that the small worry won’t matter in 200 years, doing mental math, and . . .” His voice trailed off.

“Come on, Virge. What’s the last one?”

“Medication.” His voice was small. All he wanted to do was sink out and be back in the mindscape, safe with the others.

Thomas’ hand gave his knee a squeeze. “That’s alright. I’ve already been thinking about that a lot. Do you remember the day you told us your name?”

Virgil nodded. “Yeah, why?”

“Logan said something then that stuck. He said that, in me, you are a bit more heightened than in most people but you also aren’t so heightened that you became a disorder. You remember that?”

“Yeah, I do. What does that have to do with anything?”

“I think we could find a shelf medication, no prescription required, that might help. It wouldn’t be as strong as ones given to those with the actual disorder, but it might help. It would allow us to try meds without you having anxiety over the thought of fading away. Are you up to trying it?” Thomas pulled into a parking spot and turned his full attention to Virgil.

Virgil nodded. “Yeah. I think we could try that.”

“Good.” They both got out and headed into the store, Thomas getting a cart on their way in. The rest of the time, Thomas only thought what he wanted to say to Virgil, never actually speaking out loud simply to not look like a freak.

They grabbed their produce first. Thomas asked Virgil to figure out the price of it based on the price per pound. As they went through the store, Virgil kept a hand on the side of the cart and made sure to stay ahead of Thomas, ready to protect him. They made it to the freezer section and Virgil’s eyes were drawn to the ice cream. Thomas laughed.

“Do you want any?”

Virgil hesitated but finally nodded. “I think it’d be nice to get some chocolate ice cream in case of anxiety attacks.”

Thomas nodded and grabbed some other kinds as well. “Why would ice cream help for the attacks?”

“It takes two pages from the Book. Holding an ice cube or extremely cold thing in your mouth, and chocolate.”

Thomas laughed as they moved to the general household items. “Okay. Do we need any shampoo?”

“No, but I think Roman said something about conditioner.”

“Gotcha.” 

They made their way over to the medicine aisle. Virgil was the first to spot the stress medication. He pointed it out and Thomas picked it up, turning to read the ingredients. “This seems to be mainly natural ingredients and chemicals that are produced naturally in the brain already. Do you want to try it?”

Virgil nodded. “This one seems like it would work.”

Thomas looked at him sternly. “We are going to try this, but if you at any point feel like it’s not working or it’s working too well, you have to tell me. Okay? No exceptions.”

Virgil nodded, face dead serious. “Got it.”

Over the next few weeks, Thomas took the prescribed dose of two gummies a day, which meant that Virgil also took two gummies a day. The effects were slow to appear but they did appear. First, it was sleeping more and deeper. The eyeshadow below his eyes gradually receded until it was at levels he had never seen before. He felt like a weight was taken off his chest that he hadn’t even known was there. His breathing was easier and he felt like he didn’t need to be on defcon 1 at all times. 

Virgil soon learned that, coupled with the medication, the thought of little things not mattering soon grew easier. The knock at the door no longer made him jump as high, He no longer had to put up a front of being fine, he was actually able to relax. He almost didn’t know what it felt like to relax, feeling like he was melting into the couch when he went to sit on it.

He appeared in Thomas’ apartment at the end of the two week trial they had agreed upon. Seeing Thomas not even flinch when he appeared felt good, it felt right. He never flinched when the Core Three rose up or entered the room in general. It always hurt to see him flinch when it was Virgil. He started crying. Thomas shot up immediately and pulled him in for a hug, rubbing comforting circles on his back.

“It’s okay, everything’s okay.” He murmured. 

Vigil hugged back, holding on tightly as he cried his eyes out into Thomas’ shirt without leaving a single stain, reminding himself that he wasn’t a real person and he would fade from existence the moment Thomas breathed his last. Finally, he calmed down and pulled away.

They moved to the couch, sitting close. Virgil took a second to collect himself before looking at Thomas. “I think this is working. I’m beginning to feel . . . like I can breath again. Like I can  _ relax _ . I never knew the meaning of the word before.”

Thomas smiled, a hand reaching out to rest on Virgil’s. “That’s good. It’s progress. I’ll make sure to keep taking the meds and let’s hope the effects get better. Let’s hope relaxed can be the new normal. How else do you feel?”

“Like I can go down to defcon 3 instead of having to be at 1 all the time.” Virgil smiled.

They spent the rest of the evening hanging out together, figuring out their new normal and eating chocolate ice cream. 

* * *

Influenced by [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24774340).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Defcon is the military system of readiness (Has anyone seen The Santa Claus 2 with Tim Allen?) where five is the lowest, peace mode if you will, and one is the highest, getting ready to launch a nuke kind of readiness.


	40. Cuddle Bug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can have some Analogical fluff. As a treat.   
> Virgil's actions for the majority of this chapter are how I felt through out today as I didn't get to sleep until 8am.

Virgil heard the door open and turned, hand still on his prize, fridge still open in front of him. Logan stumbled through the door, rubbing one eye as he moved like a zombie only to freeze once he caught sight of Virgil. Logan got so far as a confused expression and a mouth half open to ask a question before Virgil was shooting up the fridge to slam the door shut, chocolate still in his hand, hissing all the while. The interaction lasted half a minute at most.

Logan shook his head. “I don’t have the capacity for this right now. I’ll make a note to talk to you tomorrow but for now I’m grabbing what I want and going back to bed.” Muttering, he moved to grab pretzels before retreating past the still hissing Virgil on top of the fridge. 

The next morning, Virgil was still awake. True to his word, Logan pulled him aside and confronted him. “Are you alright? You seem to be exhibiting signs of sleep deprivation.”

Virgil glared at him. “Name one.”

“You just tried to pour coffee from your empty mug into the full pot instead of the other way around. Not only does this portray a lack of awareness but also a failure to identify items by touch. This indicates that you are either suffering from psychosis or are in the second day of sleep deprivation. What’s going on, Virge? Talk to me.”

Virgil sighed, leaning against the wall and letting it hold his weight. His hood was up but the lights were still too bright. “I don’t know! I thought everything would be fine with the meds and all the other remedies I’ve been doing. But lately, I haven’t been sleeping well or at all. I’ve been feeling more jittery than usual. I’m  _ tired, _ Logan.” He leaned his head back, letting the hood cover his burning eyes. 

Logan put a hand on his shoulder, rubbing circles into his collarbone in comfort. “I know. It hurts and it sucks. We need to talk to Thomas and see what’s going on. Maybe he ran out of meds, maybe they aren’t the right ones, maybe we need to increase the dosage. Another possibility that I hesitate to bring up is that maybe you need a different medication than he does.”

Vigil turned his head in Logan's direction, eyes barely visible below the fabric. “What?”

“Well, as we have previously stated, Thomas only has heightened anxiety while you seem to have an actual anxiety disorder. We assumed that Thomas taking meds would help you. We may have made an error in that regard.” He paused, expression turning thoughtful. “What are the remedies for this fortnight?”

Virgil pumped an unenthusiastic fist into the air. “The last two are using a white noise machine and . . .” His voice trailed off as a slight blush covered his cheeks.

Logan’s thumb paused on Virgil’s collarbone. “And what?”

“Human contact in the form of being very close to each other.”

Logan’s face remained as serious as ever. “Cuddling?”

“Yeah, that.” Vigil nodded awkwardly.

Logan nodded, patting Virgil’s shoulder. “Let’s go eat breakfast with the others, then we’ll talk to Thomas and figure this out, okay?”

Virgil nodded, too exhausted for words. An hour later, Logan was rising up and Virgil was appearing in Thomas' apartment. He turned, smiling as he saw the sides. “Hey guys! How’s it going?”

Logan sighed, hand hovering near Virgil’s back. “We need to talk about the anxiety medication.”

Thomas sat down, attention solely on the two in front of him. “Are you doing alright, Virgil? We agreed you’d come talk to me if you felt something was off.”

Virgil nodded, trying to put on his facade of not caring. “Yeah, I didn’t think it was due to the meds at first.”

Thomas nodded thoughtfully. “Okay. Then what’s going on?”

“He’s experiencing the effects of sleep deprivation.” Logan interjected. Turning to Virgil, he continued speaking. “Virgil, do you know why you have been up the past two nights? Is it something to do with insomnia, simply being a night owl and not feeling tired, or is it the anxious thoughts that would not let you rest?”

Virgil shrugged. “I dunno. A combination of the three, probably.”

Logan nodded. “I see. The medication might not be strong enough. I suggest, starting tomorrow, you take an extra half dose. This should not cause an overdose for you.”

Thomas nodded. “Noted. Is there anything we can do to help him now?”

“Yes. His final remedies both seem to promote sleep so I was thinking you could have a lazy day so I could put my main functions on autopilot for now and help him take a nap. Is that acceptable?”

Thomas nodded enthusiastically. “Of course! I was meaning to take a lazy day anyways and this is a good reason to. Let me know if I can help in any other way.”

“Don’t do or watch anything too stressful.” Virgil warned. “This means no horror of any kind, no editing, you should probably stay away from social media as well. Essentially, just rewatch a TV show or read a book.”

Thomas smiled. “Of course, Virge. I’ll keep that in mind.”

Virgil shot him one final glare from under the hood before sinking out, retreating to his room. Logan followed shortly after. 

Virgil curled up on his bed, chest feeling like the weight of the world was trying to break his sternum. Logan shuffled around for a bit, presumably just looking around the room, before pausing. “Virgil? I’m gonna be right back, okay?”

Virgil grunted a noise of understanding before the soft whoosh of Logan sinking out sounded. Virgil rolled until he found the side of the bed by falling off, shuffling over to the bathroom to splash his face with water.

It wasn’t long before Logan returned wearing night pants and a white undershirt, a large box in hand and an even larger grin on his face. “What’s going on, Cheshire cat?” Virgil muttered as he dragged himself into an upright position and leaned against the doorjamb.

Logan put the box down on the floor and began taking things out of it. He took out bags of plastic green stars, some movie cases, a white noise machine likely retrieved from the Imagination, changes of clothes, toiletries, and a few other things. Once he was done, he looked up at Virgil, a question in his eyes.

Virgil shook his head as he walked around the neat piles of things and sat on the end of the bed. “What is this, an invasion?”

Logan adjusted his glasses. “Well, technically, I thought we could use a distraction. Also, as the remedy must be consistently applied for the duration of the two weeks, I assumed it would be easier for me to simply share your bed for that time frame.”

If Virgil had been drifting off, he would have been wide awake in a second. “What do you mean,  _ live in my room _ you saw what just a few  _ minutes _ did when everyone came, why would you think it would be a good idea to stay for two weeks?”

Logan sighed, running a hand absentmindedly down his tie. “I have a hypothesis I wish to test.”

Virgil scowled. “Go on.”

“As you were able to stay a prolonged period of time, the duration of your bath, in my room some time ago with no perceivably changes in your behavior, it can be assumed that the effect of the room is only heightened when Thomas and a combination of the sides are in the room. If this turns out to be false, a second hypothesis is that the bedroom might have a lower influence on the side than the general downstairs does. If this is the case, I should be fine sleeping in the room at night as long as I return to my room for the day.”

Virgil raised an eyebrow. “So, I am now a science experiment?”

Logan held up his hands in a placating gesture. “No! No, that’s not it. I was simply attempting to calm your fears of me sleeping here. I did not mean to make it sound like I was using you as a means to an end.”

Virgil’s shoulders relaxed, releasing the tension he was unaware had been there. “Okay. So, how do we want to do this?”

Logan sat back on his heels, one hand fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “I think it would be beneficial to begin with a documentary. Perhaps, laying in the bed in clothes usually reserved for sleeping? This would allow you time to relax and drift off to sleep as documentaries tend to have even or monotone narration. Is this agreeable?”

Virgil nodded. “You can go ahead and choose the documentary and set it up if you want. I’m gonna . . . go change.” He scurried off to the bathroom, pausing by the dresser long enough to grab night clothes similar to Logan’s. 

When he got back, Logan had crawled under the blankets, the weighted blanket spread evenly over the bed, and had a remote in his hand. Virgil cautiously slid under the covers next to him, sitting so their arms were almost touching. “So, what did you decide on?”

“Exploring Stars in Our Galaxy. It seemed appropriate.” Logan shifted and Virgil froze, going as still as he could. Logan played the movie and put the remote on the nightstand. Shifting, he leaned against the headboard and put an arm out for Virgil.

Virgil just stared at him. Logan sighed and curled the arm around the anxious side’s shoulders. “Is this fine?” He asked, voice soft.

Virgil could feel the warmth radiating off Logan and curled up against him, head pressed to his chest in such a way that he could hear the heartbeat that was as steady and calm as Logan always was. Logan’s arm curled loosely around Virgil’s shoulders. Soon, he was drifting off to sleep in the warm cocoon that was Logan.

When he woke up, Logan was gone. A pillow had replaced the chest and Logan was nowhere to be seen. Sitting up, Virgil tried to scan the room for him but noticed the door was open. Following it, he wandered to his living room, where Logan was walking in the front door. “Virgil! What are you doing up? You only fell asleep about a half hour ago.”

Virgil shrugged, feeling tired and clingy. “I don’t know. I just woke up and you were gone. I guess I got scared.”

Logan walked forward with a fond smile on his face, resting a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “I just left to get more stars.” 

Virgil looked at Logan’s other hand to see that he indeed had more packets of the green stars. “What are you doing with them?”

“If you had looked at your bedroom ceiling you would have noticed I was doing the same calming patterns on your ceiling. Come on, I’ll show you.”

They went back up to Virgil’s bedroom where there were indeed stars covering half of his ceiling. Logan moved over to the ladder positioned in the corner, where he began putting more stars on the ceiling. “Go ahead and lie down on the bed. I want your opinion on it.”

Virgil did as he was told, eyes tracing the lines of the shapes made. “I like it. It’s really nice. Thanks, Logan. For doing all this.” He sat up, crossing his legs.

Logan shrugged. “It’s not that big of a deal. It’s a mindless task that allows me time to think while keeping my hands busy.”

“Is that why your room is decorated with the stars?”

“Yes, it is.” He got off the ladder and moved to the nightstand where the white noise machine was. Pressing a button, the sounds of a rainforest filled the air. “You once said that you like the sound of rain.” He explained at Virgil’s questioning glance. “Try to sleep for a bit longer, please.” Virgil did as he was told and eventually ended up drifting off. 

This became a regular pattern between the two to the point that Virgil was sleeping regularish hours at night. Logan occasionally would invade the bedroom and use the desk during the day as he said it, “Put him at the perfect top of the Yerkes-Dodson curve and allowed him to get the most work done in one sitting.” They enjoyed watching the documentaries when neither could sleep, eventually fading off still curled around each other. They enjoyed it so much, Virgil developed a new shadow that he tried to keep hidden: the fear of losing one of the others. 

Grabbing an empty jar from the Storage Closet, he managed to bottle the shadow and put it on the floor in front of Logan’s shelves as the shadow came from him so it felt right to put it there. When Logan proposed his moving back to his own room, Virgil could feel the jar crack just a bit as he tried not to have an anxiety attack. 

Logan confessed after one night apart that he hadn’t been able to sleep at all and asked if he could move back in. So, it became permanent. Logic spent the night in Anxiety’s room and occasionally invaded during the day, just as Anxiety did to Logic.


	41. Epilogue: Panic Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song fic inspired by Panic Room by Au/Ra

Thomas had run out of meds and hadn’t had time to run to the store for more. Virgil could feel the effects of it, the tenseness in his shoulders, the hyperactivity of the shadows, the anxious thoughts getting to him. Logan had noticed and tried to be around for longer periods of time but it was counterproductive. With the heightened anxiety, it was hard for him to stay long before he was corrupted. So, Virgil tried to hide it. He tried to have his incense going at all times, the waterfalls providing a nice background noise. 

Still, it was getting harder to ignore the shadows. Especially when one he thought he’d gotten rid of resurfaced: the shadow named Death. It lurked around every corner, just in the corner of Virgil’s eye. It crept closer as the week went on until it was practically sitting in Virgil’s lap. He tried to ignore it but it was always the loudest one there. 

It was on a Saturday that it struck. Logan had gone back to his room to retrieve a documentary he thought might take Virgil’s attention away from the shadows and Thomas was busy editing a video. Death rushed the door and slammed it shut, the lock clicking into place. 

Virgil shot to his feet, eyes on the shadow in front of the door. He summoned all the energy he had and tried his best to do what Logan had done. “You are nothing but hormones. You hold no sway over anything unless I give you permission, which I do not. Leave.” He took a deep breath, trying to get into the rhythm of his breathing exercises but it was hard when he was panicking. 

Death tilted its head, an impossibly wide smile splitting the face that should not have been able to smile.

“No.” Growled a voice the sound of a gravel path.

The knob turned and for a second Virgil thought the door would open. When it didn’t, knocking sounded before devolving into pounding and shouting. It was Logan, calling for Virgil to let him in. Virgil tried to tell him to stay in the common room but Death went right up to his face and hissed. “Shut up.”

The pounding stopped. “Virgil.” Logan’s voice was as calm as ever, Virgil hopped some of that calm would rub off onto him right now. “I’m going to get Thomas and the others. We are going to help. Hang on.” A soft whoosh let Virgil know he sank out.

Virgil turned his attention back to the shadow, despite the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end. “End this. Don’t torment the rest of them.”

The grin returned, white teeth appearing from the empty area where a face should be. “The game is just beginning.”

Virgil shivered as Death moved away, toward the Storage Closet. “No!” Virgil shouted, just as Thomas and the Core Three arrived.

They converged on Virgil, crowding around him as Patton began checking for injuries and Logan began rubbing comforting circles into Virgil’s back. Roman had his sword out and was facing the same way as Virgil.

Thomas gave Virgil a soft, concerned look. “What’s going on, Virge? I couldn’t feel you for a bit and I thought we agreed to not duck out again?”

Patton let out a quiet, “Quack.”

Virgil faked a chuckle, even as he moved away from the others and put his hood up, using the fabric to hide. He didn’t answer Thomas as he moved to the couch and grabbed the throw blanket tossed over it’s back. Returning, he threw it over Thomas’ shoulders with the command, “Don’t take that off.” 

Standing in front of everyone, he placed his back to the Storage Closet door, letting Death do whatever it wanted for now. “We are in lockdown mode. You will do as I say and not a thing outside of that. Understood?”

Thomas nodded, hand reaching up to clutch at the blanket around his shoulders and drawing it closer. “Virgil, please tell me what’s going on?”

As Virgil was about to speak, the lights sparked and flickered. Screams sounded before Patton and Roman apologized. Virgil nodded. “There are monsters here that are much bigger than I can control for long.”

Roman scoffed. “How big can they be, doom and gloom?”

Thomas ignored him. “What is this place?” He tried to turn on his phone to get the time but it didn’t work. 

“This is Panic mode. Don’t worry, Thomas, you’re not in a panic attack just yet.” Whispers started up, sayings of unworthiness, of disappointment, of hesitation. Virgil turned around, baring his back to the others and facing the now glowing closet door.

Thomas buried his fist in the back of Virgil’s hoodie. “Virgil? I’m scared.”

Virgil pushed his hood back, determination blazing in his eyes. “I know, Thomas. I’ll fix this.” Carefully, he removed Thomas’ hand from him, passing him off to Patton. He approached the door, and opened it just enough to shove himself through before closing it again. 

He was met with standing room only as hundreds of shadows filled the room, glass covering the floor. All of the shadows hissed out their functions in unison, a cacophony of doubts and fears jumbling together until they were just an emotional overload. Virgil squared his shoulders and summoned his Layered Voice. “Get back in the jars, or face my wrath.” 

Feeling something at his fingertips, he summoned the item. Looking at his hands, a scythe appeared. He grinned, looking back up at the shadows. “Are you still willing to defy me?”

Some shrank back, gathering their shards and hurriedly going into the jars. Others bared their inhuman teeth and laughed, sounding like hammers on stone. Death stood at the front of them all, directly behind Virgil’s fountain. It was the one to laugh the loudest and smile the widest, face splitting in half with the white of teeth that should not have existed.

Virgil smiled his own smile, teeth turning to fangs as his eyes blazed with a power he had only felt once in Thomas’ life. “So be it.”

If he had been paying attention, he would have noticed the door behind him being thrown open by Roman, Logan having a protective hand out across both Thomas and Patton. Roman had his sword at the ready but stayed back, defending the other three while Virgil fought the main battle. Roman may not have been there during the anxiety attack over a year ago but he quickly learned just how dangerous the shadows were as he was assaulted with stage fright and the sudden sense that he had forgotten his lines and the next action he was to take.

Virgil gave a shout as he swung his scythe, vanquishing Thomas’ fear of never finding love. The shadow screamed as the blade cut through it, dissolving into a sludge like puddle. Virgil moved on to the next one, working his way around the room until he got to Death. He paused, knowing Death was stronger and would always be stronger. “Give it up, Death!” He called, scythe poised to strike. “There is nowhere to run and your minions have been defeated!”

Death hissed. “You know nothing of defeat. You better than anyone should know you can’t kill your fears.”

Virgil nodded. “But you can ignore them. They only have weight if you give it to them. I do not give you the weight.” Without turning to look, he called, “Thomas, do you give the fear of Death any weight?”

Thomas’ voice floated over the sea of sludge, some of which was dripping into the fountain to be used to create new fears or revive old one. “No, Virgil. I don’t.”

Virgil nodded. “Until that time in which fear is unable to be reversed, you are doomed to remain in this room.” He dismissed the scythe and pulled his hood up as he turned, almost wishing he had a cape to dramatically swish behind him. He didn’t look back at Death even as its piercing scream filled the room. Virgil shut the door, using the padlock Logan dug from the junk drawer to keep Death imprisoned.

Thomas had awe in his eyes as he looked at Virgil, who was now normal looking and leaning against the wall. “Virgil, what was that?”

“As I said, the fear of Death itself.”

“No, what was that room? What were all those shadows?”

Virgil sighed. “Patton has the Nostalgia Nirvana, Logan has the Memory Library, The Creativities have the Imagination, and Janus has his whatever. That’s mine. I normally call it the Storage Closet cause that’s what it is. The shadows were, not to be overdramatic here, your biggest fears come to life.” His voice sounded tired, as if all his energy had been used in the fight.

“Why the blanket?” He pulled it tighter around his shoulders as if to prove it was there.

Virgil shrugged. “Hiding. The monsters can’t see under the blanket. It also helps calm down and get rid of fear.” Logan smiled proudly at that.

Thomas nodded, questions running to an end. Virgil saw the nod and nodded once in return, walking over to the couch and faceplanting into it. “I’m tired.”

Patton laughed and walked over, flipping him over and putting his own lap as a pillow for Virgil. “I know, storm cloud. You did such a good job just now.”

The others gathered around the couch. Thomas picked up Virgil’s feet and sat underneath them, Logan sat on the floor by Virgil’s hand, and Roman sat between Thomas’ legs. Patton looked around at the group. “What do we do now?”

Virgil groaned. “The nightmare is over now. You guys can go.” he waved a hand and the front door opened to emphasize his point.

Logan reached up to hold his other hand. “While I do believe it would be beneficial to get some rest, I don’t think you should be left alone. Would you like to watch a documentary in my room?”

Virgil eyed him. “What about?”

Logan smiled in a way that said he knew he’d already won. “Anything you want.”

“Orcas?” Virgil asked hopefully.

Logan nodded. “Orcas it is.” He stood and looked at the rest of the group. “I’ve got him from here. You can go back to your regular activities.”

Patton carefully stood, sliding a pillow in place of his lap. “I’ve got cookies in the oven I need to stop Remus from grabbing without a mitt.” He walked out the door, waving a goodbye as he went.

Roman was the next to go, claiming he had villagers to save. Thomas stayed where he was, eyes on Virgil. “Are you sure you’re fine?”

Virgil sat up, not moving his feet from Thomas’ lap. “Yes. Tired, emotionally drained, but fine. Not even a scratch, I promise. You would notice if one of us were seriously hurt.”

Thomas nodded. “Okay. Let me know if you need anything else.” He stood and prepared to sink out before Virgil caught his sleeve.

“If it helps, we can schedule a movie night with just us for tonight? You can pick it.”

Thomas smiled and nodded as he sank out. Logan put a hand on Virgil’s shoulder and helped him stand. “Would you like to stay in my room tonight?”

Virgil nodded, finally allowing the other side to see just how exhausted he actually was. “Let me go change and then we can go, okay?”

Logan helped him up the stairs and sat on the bed while he went into the bathroom. When he came back out, Logan was holding a familiar journal. “What are you doing with that?”

Logan looked up. “Do you really feel like this?”

Virgil shrugged, feeling small in the oversized t-shirt. “Occasionally. Not as often when on the meds.” He jutted his chin at the book. “This is the healthy way of dealing with them.”

Logan nodded, putting it back. “Okay, I believe you. Just know that I can be just as trusted as that journal to know your secrets.”

Virgil wrapped an arm around the other side in a hug. “Thanks, Logan. Now, let’s go watch some dolphins!” They sank out together, intent on having an enjoyable afternoon. Virgil fell asleep shortly after the documentary ended, waking only for dinner and movie night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Infodump: Even though Orcas are often called Killer Whales, they are dolphins. Their original name was Killer of Whales or Whale Killer as they can eat whales.


End file.
